Another Chapter
by HappyLittlePychopath
Summary: When Helga returns after six years of nothing will her and Arnold finally end up together or will old habits die hard?
1. Chapter 1

I look over at the clock to see how long we have before class officially starts. My first day of class in senior year, I look over at Gerald and can't help but remember all we've been through together. It'd be nice if he shot a glance back but he's too busy making Phoebe laugh. The two of them have been together since seventh grade and are still mad for each other. I can't help the twinge of jealousy that follows that thought. It's been six months since I've even thought about being in a new relationship. The girls here are all the same, all Patty clones, and I've had more than my fair share of that drama. I dated her back in freshman year but I couldn't handle all of the back and forth with her. One day she loved me the next I was suffocating her…she had a screw loose or something.

I look down to my phone, waiting to see if Gerald's answered about going to the beach after this. I look over again, this time to shoot him a look but I get distracted by her. I have no idea who she is but she's hauntingly familiar. I can't know her though she has a face to beautiful to forget. Her eyes are cast down, long blonde hair covering them. She has a notebook pressed to her chest and is biting her lip. She glances up, I guess to find an open spot, and makes eye contact with me before turning bright red. I think I'm in love.

_I can't believe I'm here again. I can't believe the only open seat is next to him. It's been, oh gosh what, six years since I've seen these people? The only one I've even talked too was Phoebe and that was only occasionally. After the whole mall thing Dad decided to pack up the family and move out west to Arizona. That was the worst mistake of our lives but at the time I was so grateful to get away from him, Arnold Shortman. Arizona was good in the way my parents finally learned who I was. After Olga coming home an unwed mother I became the favorite. Last year when mom passed dad decided he needed to go back to his roots, which meant back to Arnold for me._

_I walk through the rows of people toward the open spot, everyone gawking at me, especially him. I can't really blame them I'm not that awkward little girl anymore. No more unibrow, pigtails, or pink dresses, now I look like the girl I always wanted to be. I'm curvy and fit, from dancing and working out in the gym, my hair is long and wavy, which is shielding my face from the stares, my eyebrows are no longer one and I wear things that show off my figure. I can admit I grew well and I'm grateful for it, I don't think anyone recognizes me. This is insane of course, back in Arizona I was confident, I would never walk with my head down but these people, they know who I was. I can't blame them all if they still hate me, even if Phoebe swears no one will._

_I take my seat next to him and hold my breath; the way he's looking he has no idea who I am. It stings my throat a little though, can someone who had such an impact on my life really have no idea who I am anymore. Surely, deep down in that not so football head, he has an idea of who I am. He has too._

I can't take my eyes off of her; neither can any other guy in the room. She may be acting shy but I can tell she's not. Maybe it's just how her body glides around the room next to me. I peak down to her legs, fully exposed by denim shorts; she has the legs of a goddess. I need to know who she is.

With that Mr. Phillips walks into the room slamming the door shut behind him, something about not tolerating late students. He waddles over to his desk in the front corner of the room and plops himself down without much of an introduction. Mr. Phillips is the only English 4 teacher in the school, the oldest and fattest too. He never much liked me, especially not when my parents came home, he had my dad in high school and warned me in the halls more than once that he would be watching me. After clearing his throat for what felt like hours he began role call. I listen carefully to each name waiting for hers to be announced. As it gets closer to my name I watch her squirm in her chair, she must not like participating in class.

"**Rick Nelson."**

"**Here."**

"**Rebecca O' Donnelly." **

"**Here."**

"**Helga Pataki."**

"**Here."** _My throat struggles to get the word out. I feel the air around me charge with electricity as the light bulbs go off in each of their heads. I can't even look over to Arnold, I can't tear my eyes from my notebook, and they all remember me. The bully, the ugly duckling, the girl who would scare off the boys, torment the guy she loved, and had a single friend in her entire school, I was her. It all came crashing upon me, the past I tried so desperately to bury. All of the progress I made in Arizona was gone; here no one knew how much I had changed; only what I had once been. My throat burned as I held back tears, there had to be a way out of this hell._

Of all the people in the world I never though I'd see again, she had topped the list. No one even really knew what happened to her, for weeks it was the talk of the fifth grade. Her family fled after we stopped the building of the mall in our neighborhood, left in the dead of night never to return, until now. I pull my eyes away from her red face and look at my desk. I haven't thought about her in years and it makes me feel guilty. The last conversation I had with her she confessed she loved me, kissed me, and disappeared. Who would have ever thought she would grow up so incredibly beautiful? I look at her again, with new appreciation in my heart.

Her hair was still the same yellow blonde it had always been but it was no longer in intimidating pigtails. She wore it loose and wavy and it just reached down her chest. I couldn't see her face but I knew she grew perfectly into her nose and that her eyes would still be that icy blue. My gaze drifted down and for the first time I took in her body. What was once a rectangle was now a perfect hourglass, curvy and strong. I look at her legs again, they were slender but still muscular and led up to the roundest behind I had ever seen.

Could this beautiful creature really be the same girl I knew as a kid? Did anyone else know she was coming back? I have to ask her.

_I haven't heard a single word of this entire introduction, his eyes keep drilling holes into me. My heart hammers harder into my chest, how on God's green earth did I end up next to him? Why didn't Phoebe save me a seat like I had asked? When I walked in I noticed she was next to Gerald, they've been dating for years, but I thought her former best friend would top that._

_**BRRRIINNNGGGG**_

_The bell cuts through my thoughts and makes my heart skip a beat. I have to get out of here before anyone can ask me any questions. I gather my things as quickly as possible and dash out the door. As I make it through I hear his voice call out my name. I can't stop though I can't face this just yet._

Just like last time she leaves me alone, breathless, and very confused.


	2. Chapter 2

There has to be some sort of logical explanation for her ignoring me like that. I plop my tray off food down onto the typical lunch table.

"**Hey Arnold, what's eating you?**" Harold shoots me a concerned look. For a guy who grew up an overweight bully he really found his own in high school football. Harold was the state champ quarterback.

"**Nothing, nothing. Just thinking, ya know? It was weird seeing Helga again though that's for sure.**"

My table nods in agreement. I take a moment to realize how lucky I have it, my group from fourth grade is still all together. Besides Harold, Gerald, and I there's still Eugene, Sid, and Stinky. I look up from my friends discouraged, how could she not say anything to me? I've been craning my neck all day just to get a glance at her again, I can't stop she magnetic. I look down at my food as Gerald approaches and then I see her.

She's walking with Phoebe toward an empty table in the back.

"**Why isn't your girlfriend sitting with us, man? She always does and we have an extra seat for Helga,**" Harold jabs him in the ribs.

"**They want some 'girl time', Helga's been freaking out about coming back for months now. She probably needs to be talked down again.**" My stomach lurches forward.

"**You mean you knew she was coming back? Did you know she looked like that,**" Stinky draws out with his accent that never went away.

"**Yea man, she ain't got nothing on my girl though.**"

"**I don't know, she's looking like a cool glass of water to me,**" Eugene says while checking her out. There's a murmur of agreement from the table, which makes me blood pump. These guys shouldn't be talking about her like that she's still Helga. I look over at her table for the first time since they sat down.

She's sitting straight, eyes bright with laughter, confidence brimming. Whatever Phoebe is telling her is working. She looks over at me and blushes slightly while biting her lip. I can't help but wonder if their as soft as they look. I have to go talk to her.

_Today is never going to end is it? I walk with Phoebe and Gerald to lunch, it seems they are going to be my only friends and he is only included because of her. Gerald doesn't hold anything against me from all those years ago but he was suspicious at first. With all of the Skyping Phoebe and I logged he learned how much I really changed and accepted me as a new person. I'm just scared no one else will. _

_We walk into the cafeteria and for the 3__rd__ time today everyone stares at me. This time I keep my head up though, I can't retreat back to my old ways, its not who I am anymore. While the lovebirds chit chat I grab my lunch from the line, granted I cant imagine stomaching anything right now. We pay for our food and they begin to lead me to a table, I almost follow until I look up and see who it is. Arnold, Harold, Eugene, Stinky, and Sid… the boys I bullied most in my youth. I stop dead in my tracks and squeeze Phoebe's arm, I can't handle that yet. _

"**Gerald, I think I'm going to eat alone with Helga today is that alright?**" _she asks for me, knowing he can never deny her. He nods his head and smiles, kissing her briefly before bounding over to his boys._

"**Helga, you are going to have to face them eventually and I promise it's not as bad as you think.**" _She shakes her head at me smiling._

"**I know Phoebs but not yet. I'm not ready to face him yet, not after how we left things off…**"_ She nodded her head and led me to a table in the corner._

_For the hundredth time she tells me about how much every grew up. I laugh in the right places and try my hardest to look as confident as I can. This is my home, where I grew up and I've changed just like everyone else. Arnold was always a sweet guy I doubt if he'll hold what happened between us over my head. I don't know why I care so much anyway, I've dated other guys. Once I grew out of my awkward phases I had a never ending stream of boys to choose from. I'm not scared of these boys, not after Tommy back in Arizona. He was the one who took it all from me without giving me a chance to say no, if I can get through him I should have no problem with these guys, no one here would ever do that. I was strong enough for that, for mom passing, for everything that made me who I am I can handle this. _

_I glance over at Gerald's table; the boys here did grow up nice. Gerald is a big basketball star, he's tall, well built, and a personality that stole my best friend's heart. Harold thinned out a lot, I think he plays football. Stinky is still tall and lanky but slightly more muscular than he was as a kid, he also cut his hair real short. Sid grew into a kind of bad boy, short, skinny, tattoos down his arms. Eugene, however, hasn't changed a bit. Arnold though, he grew into the kind of guy who makes my pulse race. His head rounded out, his hair long and pushed back. He had strong arms and Phoebe told me he worked part time as a mechanic in some garage around here. My pulse starts to race as he glances over me; I feel my face flush and look down. I bite my lip whenever I'm nervous. I hear a chair scuffle back and look to the sound. Arnold is walking toward my table. He smiles widely at Phoebe and takes a seat by her. Before he can get a word out I'm standing up and walking off. _

"**Sorry Phoebe, I have to run to the office before my next class starts. They need some paperwork dropped off.**"

With that she was gone again. I slam my hands onto the table. Phoebe looks up at me thoughtfully as Gerald comes over and puts an arm around her.

"**Why won't she talk to me?"** I cry out, finally letting the built emotion overflow. I never hurt her, never left her standing dazed and confused. She had to answer some questions for me, it goes beyond how beautiful she is, she stirred up emotions in me I don't know how to handle.

"**Give her a few days Arnold. She has a lot on her plate you know. She just moved across the country, began a new school and dance school, lost her mother, has to face demons she buried years ago. Maybe stop trying to talk to her until she has time to settle.**" Phoebe has always been the voice of reason but I'm not sure if I can wait.

The rest of my day goes in a blur of trying to pay attention and thinking of her. The more I remember her kissing me, the more the story changes in my head. Maybe as a kid I did like her, just not realizing it because I was young and dumb. She was always so passionate, determined, and wickedly smart. My brain hurts as I round the corner to my house.

The boarding house is the same as it ever was, except under new management and some new tenets. Grandma and Grandpa still live here; they just couldn't keep up on it anymore so my parents took over. I sit on the front steps, letting the day settle over me. My head fills with memories of years past, of Helga. I think about the way she bullied me, how she always wore a dress and threw a punch, how she acted so cold but often helped me when I needed it most, how she was the most vulnerable when she dance… she is vulnerable when she dances! If I can figure out what school she dances at I can get her to talk to me.

_Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading this and enjoying it. This is my first fanfiction so it is a little rough but I promise if you stick with me I'll get better. Arnold and Helga always fascinated me as a kid so I decided to rebuild their relationship to fit how I think it should have ended. The story is slow, I'm huge on detail, but I promise it's worth it…_


	3. Chapter 3

_I walk through the front door of the old, worn house. Somewhere the TV plays loudly and it smells like cookies, Olga must be home. I walk past the living room and into my dads den, still littered with boxes and junk. He must have heard me come in because he's already standing, looking at me with great interest. _

"**Hey sweetheart, how was school?**" _I sigh and try to figure out where to begin. My dad knew how desperately I didn't want to return here, I'm sure everyone in a ten mile radius knew too when he told me. Sure, it made sense to move back, we had never sold this place only rented it, and Arizona had too many painful memories but so did here for me. We didn't have much of a choice though, I have to remember that and not be so hard on him. He's different, he's dad now, not Bob. _

"**It was okay, weird seeing all those people again. To be honest, I was so busy looking at how everyone grew up I didn't pay that much attention to what the teachers were saying.**" _He shakes his head and smiles._

"**Starting tomorrow you have to ignore everyone else and focus on school, this year is important if you want to go to college. Tonight we can celebrate though, want to go out to dinner?**"

"**Awe, you know I'd love to but I have dance.**" _His face is disappointed but I was lucky enough to get my old studio to take me back; I couldn't miss my first day, besides I need the stability too much. _

_With that a flurry of noise comes rushing down the hall. From around the door you can see a pair of chubby little legs and open hands, topped with a mess of blonde curls. _

"**Ant Helgi, ant helgi!**" _The little beast rushes at me with open arms. I scoop up my nephew and shower him in kisses. I look into his bright green eyes and see Olga staring back, he looks just like his mother. She is still unmarried and lives at home, but she is the world's most loving mother. _

"**Hey rugrat, how's my little man doing?**"

"**That's not my name!**" _he cries indignantly, struggling to get down. I release him and he runs over to dad. _

"**Oh really, than what is it?**" _I tease him often, but it's all in fun. He knows it too because he begins to make faces at me. _

"**Oliver, Ant Helgi.**" _His giggle fills the room as I charge at him. He runs behind my dad and somehow gets around the boxes and out the door. I smile at my dad and go to follow when Olga walks in with a plate of the cookies I smelt earlier. I grab one, nodding my head in thanks, before heading up to my room. _

_I get dressed for dance as I munch on my snack. I realize I can't really complain about dad's den when I look at the condition of my own room. Maybe tonight I'll begin to clean it. I look in the mirror to quickly inspect myself before grabbing my back and bounding down the stairs and out the door. _

_**OOFF**_

I slam into her much harder than I had anticipated. She looks at me, the familiar anger in her eyes. It only lasts a moment before she realizes who she hit and the look turns to a mix of terror and humiliation. I guess I was right in assuming they moved back into the old house. I reach out to steady her but she jerks away and turns to leave.

"**Wait, Helga, please talk to me.**" _His eyes are filled with a somber excitement, I owe him some kind of explanation. _

"**Look, Arnold, I'm sorry for how I acted today," **_my pulse feels like it is going to stop at any moment from over working,_ "**but I just can't handle bringing up the past.**" _His eyes break._ "**It's nothing you did and there's nothing you can do. I had a crush on you years ago but it's in the past and a lot has happened since then. I'm sorry but I have to go. I have dance.**"

"**Helga, can we be friends than? Like we were as kids?**" My heart is stuck in my throat; I just want to get to know her, who she became. She isn't the girl I grew up with there is pain in her eyes but also kindness and compassion. I don't believe for a second that she is really over me though, not with how strongly I am gravitating toward her. She's like a sun, brilliant and deadly. Her eyes fill with sadness as she shakes her head no.

"**Not yet, maybe one day but for now I need you to stay away from me.**" With that she's walking down the block. My chest is heavy but there is hope, she said one day. I walk back to the boarding house, this time going in. I hear my dad in the kitchen so I make a stop in before I head up to my room.

"**Hey son! How was school, you're home pretty late.**" My mom walks in the kitchen behind me and kisses my forehead.

"**We were beginning to worry about you, Arnold.**" I give them a sorry smile.

"**Sorry, I had to stop by an old friend's, she just moved back into town and I wanted to catch up with her.**" They smile and nod before going back to cooking dinner for the boarders. I go up to my room and toss my bag down. I can't focus on much of anything; there is too much floating around in my head. I wander over to my bed and flop down, the clouds above me drifting by. Maybe I have been coming on too strong; today was her first day back in Hillside. If anyone had asked me how I felt about Helga coming home a week ago I would have had to think about who Helga was. I don't know why I am so drawn to her…could it be I am really that big a jerk who values looks? I don't think so, in my heart I believe its something more. Like seeing her, it connected something that I never realized. She's always had a hard life, she never got it easy but she was always so strong and self reliant. She never cared if anyone liked her; in fact she tried pretty hard to make sure no one got too close. She was always a mystery, that has to be what the attraction is, the mystery of Helga G. Pataki.

I roll over and grab my laptop; firing it up I can't help but feel a twinge of curiosity. I wonder if she's on Facebook, if she is maybe I can squash some of this need to talk to her. I load the page and search her name, and there she is.

Her picture is stunning, confirming what I already knew about her looks. I quickly pull up her about me. She's single, thank god, and lived in Arizona. I go back to her feed and read some of her posts. She didn't say much but she sure had a lot of goodbyes from her friends. At least 200 of them showed up, since when did Helga talk to two people let alone 200? I click on her photos and find a ton of albums: Cheer, Dance, Jr. Prom, Vacations, Family. My mouse stops over the family one, she never had a good relationship with her parents, this had to be a mistake. I click through the photos; there are a lot of her dad, sister, her and a baby. I wonder where her mom is. I go back a few months and her mom appears looking frail and sick. The farther back I go the healthier she becomes. I go back to the last photo of her mom and click to view it full screen. The caption says Rest in Peace. My heart drops for her; there is so much I don't know about this girl.


	4. Chapter 4

I rush into my next class, late and slightly annoyed. I hear a noise that sounds like a bell, I look up and it's her laugh.

She is sitting in a chair by the front of the room. Next to her is the source of the laughter and my blood begins to boil. Chad is sitting next to her talking about something that is causing her to laugh. Chad's an ass. He plays football with Harold and is the leading scorer in the state. He also has slept with every girl in the school worth sleeping with, including my ex. I don't even see why all these girls swoon over him. He's pretty dense, most likely from getting tackled so much, and he isn't that strong, just quick on his feet. Whatever he has though is already working on Helga.

I can't stand it, for some reason I can't let him have her. She's leaning in to him, talking softly. Her confidence, that same confidence I recognized before is coming out. She's pushing her hair back and sitting up tall. What the hell could he have said to her? My teeth grind, I'm sitting up there.

I quickly make my way to the front of the room and sit behind them, whatever they have to say I want to hear it. Helga doesn't notice me at first she keeps laughing and playing with her hair. Chad is going on about football, so that's what she likes. I'm a mechanic though; I'm just as strong as this guy if not stronger. My pencil snaps, I didn't even realize I was holding one. They both turn to look at me and her face flushes again. Chad shoots me a dirty look. He can back off of her if he doesn't like it.

Our teacher, Ms. Watson, walks in. She is known to be one of the hardest history teachers in the school. We go through role call pretty smoothly, my heart skipping at her name. I really don't understand why I feel this way. It can't just be her looks, she's gorgeous but that's never really mattered to me. I think back to when we first met, she was such a sad little girl and I offered her my umbrella. We were so young though but after that she hated me. Maybe it was never really hate, maybe she did care for me and I was too dumb to notice. She never had an easy home life, her mom and dad neglected her more often than not, so maybe that's why she was so bitter. I remember all of the times she helped me when I needed it. Like the time she pretended to be my girlfriend to win over Lila, except for her it wasn't all pretend. That must have been heartbreaking and she did it anyway. She helped me save the neighborhood too even though it cost her tons of money. I was a stupid boy; I owe her an apology when she can talk to me. Did she miss me when she left? I never really realized how empty things were without her. Kissing other girls didn't fill me with the same energy kissing her had, it took me till now to realize that. How did she deal with all of this pinning for the years she did?

_The air around me is charged with electricity. I feel his eyes on me except they're no longer drilling holes. I look over at Chad and stifle a giggle, he's exactly the type of distraction I need. Arnold is too dangerous for me, he brings up too much passion, too much pain from the past. I need something fun and light and that is where Chad comes in. He's the same kind of guy I dated back home, all brawn no brain. I do have to admit, he doesn't give me butterflies though. There is no spark or excitement, just comfort in the familiar. He's handsome too, which never really hurts. He smiles wide and talks a lot about him so all I really need to do is listen. He keeps rambling on about football, there's something about football players I like. Maybe its how little they care to get to know me, I get to be a pretty trophy for a man who all the girls would like. Ms. Watson, I think her name is, is really animated about whatever she's talking about, maybe I should pay attention for a little bit, I did promise dad after all._

"**Ok guys, I know its only our second day and I know you are all excited to coast by senior year but, unfortunately, that isn't happening in here. To begin the year on a high note, we will be doing a project that will help determine the curriculum. I will be paring everyone off and each pair will create a visual representation of their favorite time period. The era with the most projects will be our place of study for the class. It can range from the beginning of civilization to the start of the war on terror. I'm not picky, but I do expect senior quality work. I swear if anyone brings in a shoebox with clay, you will fail. The goal of this project is to find what interests you most. Thankfully we have a small class so pairing off shouldn't take long."**

_I look around and realize she is right; there are only 13 others in the class with me, a far cry from the 32 I'm used too. _

" **Lets get started! Since we have an even amount of boys and girls this will be assigned into gender groupings: John and Lisa, Mike and Corey, Harold and Jessie, CJ and Maria, Brandon and Michelle…"**

_My pulse is a mile a minute; I am either with Chad or Arnold._

"…**Chad and Lori, Arnold and Helga" **

_My eyes fall down to my notebook, dear God, I cant do this._

Myeyes snap up to look at her, this couldn't have worked out any better if I tried. Now Helga and I will be together until the project is done, I'll be able to get to know her and she can't run away, not unless she wants to fail.

_She hands out the paper for the project; I look over at Chad who shoots me a sad look. Maybe I can convince this lady Arnold and I are a bad idea. According to this sheet, it would be 2 months of dealing with him. That's just not something I'm willing to do. The bell rings ending class and I walk over to her desk timidly, Chad shouts something about seeing me later._

"**Later babes!" **

Ass… I watch Helga make her way over to the teachers desk, I pause a moment, hoping I can get to talk to her about starting the project.

"**I'm sorry Helga but there is no switching partners. That wouldn't be fair to the rest of the class. You and Mr. Shortman will just have to work through what ever issues you have.**"

_With that she turns away from me. My hands are shaking I'm so angry. How can she not even listen to what I'm saying? Arnold is really still here? He looks like some sort of puppy dog, all needy and affectionate. I bet he asked her to pair us up! He couldn't handle leaving me alone, he has to "get to know me", stupid football head. Why can't he see I just want to be left alone? I walk past him, as I do he grabs my arm. _

"_**Don't you dare grab me like that ever again!" **_

Crap, Ms. Watson's looking at us now. I flash her a sorry smile hoping to gain her forgiveness but I won't lessen my grip from her. She has to talk to me, just for a second.

"**Helga I'm sorry but I want to talk about this project really quick before gym. I know you're pissed were paired up and I know you wanted me to leave you alone but I cant afford to not do well in this class. I promise if you'll work with me I will keep it strictly business, no personal questions, no extra time together, I'll respect your privacy. Please, just come by the boarding house after school and we can get started."**

She seems to consider it before sighing and nodding her head.

"_**Fine, but Arnold please don't go back on that." **_

I know nod my head once and head off toward the gym, she walks a few steps behind.

_Great, he's in my gym too. This is just wonderful; the one single solitary person I don't want to be around is my partner and apparently has all of my classes. A few guys gawk at me as I walk by. I push my shoulder back and realize this cant be all bad. I have Chad strung along, and a whole new school of boys to tease. Maybe I can give Arnold a shot as a friend, let him see how much I've changed. I'm not that silly little girl anymore. I know what I want and exactly how to get it. I walk past him into the gym and make my way to the girls locker room. _

_Most of them turn and stare, a little less confident now that I've found mine. Phoebe motions me over to her, a gigantic smile plastered to her face. _

"**Helga, look at you! There's the confidence I knew you possessed. What changed?**" _I smile and think a moment, taking my shirt off as I do, we only have 10 minutes to get changed and I'd like to look nice. _

"_**I realized I didn't want to be that shy girl anymore, I gave her up when I moved to Arizona and I don't want her back."**__ At this point I felt the eyes of most girls staring. I put on my sports bra and a thin white tank top. Phoebe rolled her eyes and smiled, she liked me much better happy. I peeled my jeans off and threw on a pair of leggings made for weight lifting, with dance taking up so much of my time out of school I made an arrangement with the principal that I can forgo gym in favor of weight lifting in the weight room with the boys who chose to. She was a little hesitant at first but when I told her how important physical health was to me she agreed, as long as I felt comfortable. I worked my hair into a high pony and chuckled to myself, nothing felt more comfortable than gawking boys. _

She looks stunning, absolutely breathtaking. She bounces her way across the gym toward the weight room and like some sort of gravitational pull I follow, Gerald and Phoebe in tow. By the time we get in the room she's at the squat rack, adjusting the sides to fit her body. Chad is standing close by, watching her like a predator. He reminds me of a lion, watching a gazelle. I followed his gaze back to her. She was mid-squat, her body working under the weight to push it back up. You could see her muscles shaking; she wasn't scared of pushing her body to the edge. Every guy in the room was staring at her ass but my focus was on her face in the mirror. Her breathing was labored but she wasn't giving up, she never gave up, not since she was a kid.

_All eyes on the room were on me, Chad was enjoying the show. Forget about everything else and focus on the weight. Push up through your soles, keep balanced, and breathe. You have dance tonight, push, balance, breathe. After dance you have to work on that project, push, balance, breathe. I can get through this, I can do this. _

"**Hey baby, keep that up and I'll have to steal you away from all these eyes."**

_I drop the weight on the rack, shocked at him being so close. I look over at him, letting my eyelids fall slowly. He has that same look on his face, that look of lust and desire and need. I have him wrapped around my finger and all it took was a few squats. I wink and walk over to the bench, he follows along like a puppy. _

"**Homecomings next weekend, you're going with me. Ill pick you up at seven."**

_I push the weight off my chest and smile, he stares down my shirt. I think I'm going to like it here. _

_Well Well Well… it took me forever to update and I'm sorry! Please keep commenting, anyone who private messages me will have their opinions listened too so please tell me what you like and don't like!_


	5. Chapter 5

Is my room clean enough? Does it look like I'm trying? I don't want her to think I'm trying. Its 4:30 and she should be here any moment. After her show in the gym she gave me her number. I couldn't help but notice that she was much colder to me than to the other guys that sought after her. Whatever though, it's a start. I look around my room again; it really hasn't changed much since I was a kid. The only difference is an upgraded TV and a couple game consoles I only use when Gerald and the boys are here. I need to get out of here though, it's a little suffocating. I head down stairs into the kitchen. Will she want something to eat? She mentioned she had danced this afternoon, should I grab some snacks? What does a girl like her eat anyway? Before I can contemplate too hard I hear her knock at the door. My heart feels like it's about it burst from over use, my palms get clammy, I can't believe she's here.

_I can't believe I'm really here. It's been years since I've been by here and it hasn't changed much. Same old brick building with the same old tenants, granted there seems to be more than I remember. A car is parked out front, it must be his. I'm so busy staring at the car I don't notice the door open behind me. _

"Hey Helga, come on in!" I hope that didn't sound too eager.

"_Thanks. The old place hasn't changed much has it?" If I make small talk maybe my heart will slow down a little and the nausea will subside. _

"Ehh, yes and no. Since my parents came back we were able to get more business but the house hasn't changed much. Before we get started do you want something to eat? I know you had dance today."

_He's so thoughtful, I had forgotten that about him. I am starving but I want to spend as little time as possible here, my skins on fire as it is. _

"_No thanks, I'm ok." I smile weakly, he can tell I'm lying, I cant lie when he's looking at me like that._

She is a terrible liar. I guess years of not practicing it though have kicked in. I feel my head nod once and lead her up the stairs. We get up to my room and open the door letting her go first. She sucks in a breath of air and lets it out slowly.

_Nothing about this place has changed. Its still the same room I used to peak in as a kid. Dear God, that's embarrassing. What do I say? Nice room? That's cheesy. I've never actually commented on a guy's room before, never really spent time in them I guess. It has the same blue wallpaper and flip out couch. He has his bed against the wall on the little lift, surrounded by books and movies. I never realized how much he read, obviously more than I remembered. I see some of my favorites on the wall too, old romantic classics no one in their right mind would read. I hear him shuffle uncomfortably as I take everything in. _

"_There's a lot of natural light in here isn't there?" Dear God, did I just actually comment on the lighting? He chuckles softly._

"Yea, I guess there is. You can come in though, I promise nothing bites." I mentally kick myself, how corny can I get? She walks in and puts her bags down. Besides her backpack and purse she has what I can only assume to be her dance bag. I walk over the bed and plop down, hoping she'll do the same. Instead she sits on the edge, shifting every few moments to stay up. My bed is really cloud like; you can't help but sink in. I keep looking at her taking in all of her features. She has the habit of tucking a few strands behind her ear; I wonder what it would feel like to do it for her. She notices I'm looking at her and blushes red.

_I feel my cheeks flush while he watches me. I feel like I've swallowed cement. I get off the bed and walk to my bag, if were going to get any work done I'm going to need my notebook, plus his bed makes me sink in too much. What is my favorite time period in history? I do love the idea of fancy dresses and danger, maybe…. "When did Pirates of the Caribbean take place?" _

_Crap that came out a lot dumber than it sounded in my head. He looks at me with a mix of amusement and confusion. I think it was the 1700's though maybe mid to late, possibly early 1800's. I stride over to my bags, attempting to look much more confident then I feel, and take out my phone. When Bo- Dad switched over to cell phones he made sure I was given the latest there was. I type my inquiry on to Goggle and wait for it to load, avoiding his gaze. As I pace back and forth I hear him clear his throat. _

"It was the 1700's mid to late to be exact. What do you like pirates?" I tease her gently, I don't know why though, her eyes flash a shade of annoyance at me, crushing my hope at this going well. She sighs and shakes her head at me.

"_No, well…" _she blushes at me, "_It's more that I enjoy the fashion of the time, how grand everything was. It was also the beginning of the feminist movement in a lot of ways which I find interesting. Plus I mean you can't deny the danger of it all and the thrilling discoveries people were making. Times were simpler as well and the parties were great." _

I let what she said sink down into me. I knew about pirates and fancy dresses from the movies but the fact that was the time period that started feminism is cool. I can see Helga as a feminist, kind of, she knows how to flaunt her body but there's so much more to her, like a brain and passion. She's exactly the kind of person who would fight for the right for others to choose how they live their lives. I nod my head at her.

"If that's the time period you want to do I can support that. I feel like exploring the contradiction between how women were expected to look and the birth of the thought of gender equality could be really unique but how would we represent that visually?"

_I can't believe he just agreed to that so easy, and was so insightful. I mean I can because that's who he always was but it's weird being agreed with so easily on school projects. Everyone always just assumes I'm a dumb blonde and did all the work, they never respected my ideas. He brings up a good point though how am I going to represent that visually. _

"_We could put together some sort of picture story.." His eyes light up at the thought. I cant draw to save my life but I do recall that he is incredibly artistic._

"What if you write something, maybe a short story or poem and I can illustrate it. You know like those poems set to a beat and well record you saying it and put the pictures into it and present the video. It'll be really different from anyone else and if I remember right your one of the best writers I ever met."

_I blush, it is a great idea but am I ready to expose that part of me to him again? I agree for now sensing the excitement alive in his eyes. My heart speeds up a beat or twelve as I look at the clock, it's nearly 7. I should get home so I have time to get my other homework done. As I open my mouth to leave something about the way he's looking at me stops me. It's not the look of lust I know, its something like respect and admiration, his eyes are seeing every part of my body and my blood is boiling. Doing this project is going to be a lot harder than I thought…_


	6. Chapter 6

_I sink down against the door into plush carpet and allow the tears to stream over my eyes and leave trails down my face. How did I ever think I was strong enough to do this? I never worked through my past I just buried it deep into me where I thought it would never escape from. I look into the full length mirror across from me that I use to get dressed and stare at the broken reflection staring back. I'm just that stupid kid from six years ago. There is nothing special about me, I'm worthless. Without conscious effort I crawl to the mirror and loose myself in it. Look at my hair, it's so stringy and it never sits right. If it would just curl a little bit more I'd be able to style it more. My nose is huge…maybe I can convince my dad I do need that deviated septum fixed, the doctor always said that would make it smaller. My lips are too thin it's amazing anyone can even notice them. I'm just a gaping mouth with no lips. My skin is so screwed up too, can I have a single day with clear soft skin. I look down at my wrists which are suddenly stinging and see blood; I must have been scratching them again without realizing it. I stand up and take in the body I see. The legs are too thick; they can be slimmed down so the thighs don't touch. The ass isn't big enough, the abs not visible. Maybe if I go on a juice cleanse or something… My arms are too flabby, my face too round. I don't know why I even try. I wipe the makeup from around my face and snap my head to a ringing cell phone. _

_Chad text me a photo of himself, smiling in the mirror, asking what I was doing tonight. It's only 9:30…I can go out for a little bit. I reply much more enthusiastic than I feel and go over to the table to apply my makeup again, I cant let him see me like this now can I?_

_Before I know it I'm jogging out my house to his car, yelling to my dad that I won't be home late and being yelled at that I have school tomorrow. I open the door of the new BMW SUV. It's really nice for a senior in high school, but he did say his parents were loaded. I give him a kiss on the cheek hello and relax into the warm leather seat, my nerves finally steadying out. _

"Hey gorgeous, you look good tonight," _I blush and look down at the_ _radio,_ "what do you want to do? I know this place we can go, its pretty secluded, no one would bother us there." _I know what he's insinuating and I'm a little pissed. I don't fool around like that, I mean don't get me wrong I like flirting and playing games but getting physical is something else entirely. _

"_Chad, I'm not that kind of girl. I like to get to know someone before I do anything more than making out." I chuckle so he knows I'm not uptight and I see his eyes flash the slightest shade of anger. His hands grip the steering wheel tighter and just as I'm about to say something is disappears as quickly as it happened. _

"Alright you little tease. There's a diner we can go to and talk, I haven't eaten dinner yet so it'll work for me." _He flashes me a smile that extinguishes any worry I had. I nod once and we're off. _

I jump out of the shower and grab my towel. As I dry off I do everything I can to keep my thoughts off of her. She's infectious though, I feel like my whole world was on pause until she walked in again. I need to get out of the house and its only 9. I call Gerald and for once he picks up. Normally he's with Phoebe so I don't really see him. We agree to meet at the only diner still open in walking distance. I throw on some jeans and a jacket before heading down stairs. My dads in the kitchen so I stop to talk to him.

"Hey dad, I'm going to grab something to eat with Gerald I wont be hope late."

"Wait a second shortman," he stops doing the dishes and turns to face me, "got him to actually answer the phone?" I chuckle, my dad knows how hard it is to keep your best friend when he has a girl friend.

"Yea, for once. I'm happy for him though but it is nice to get some guy time once and a while."

"Well then I wont keep you from it," he pauses, "but before you go who was that girl that was over before?" I shrug indifferently even though I feel my face burn.

"Oh her, she's just some girl I'm working on a class project with. She'll be around a lot for a couple months but it's just for history." I can tell he doesn't believe me but he doesn't push the subject. Instead he nods and I head out the door.

The air is getting cool quick for this time of year, its always amazing how fast seasons change. It's like before you know it your body is content with the weather outside. What once felt chilly could now feel hot, that part always got to me. I walk briskly, hoping not to let the chill creep into my bones because of my wet hair. I round the corner and see my destination, the old diner. Looking at it from afar you wonder why anyone would eat in it, the outside is sadly outdated and in need of some fresh paint. The sign gleams in a way that, when the place was built, would have drawn in dozens of customers but now only adds to its age. I take notice of the three cars in the lot; honestly if you live locally it's a waste of gas. I avoid driving if I can, it's probably the reason my car runs so well. There's a large black BMW taking up two different spots, one of them handicapped. It's Chad's; I've worked on it before in the shop. He drives like a maniac and is constantly screwing things up with it. I don't mind too much though, it gives me a nice amount of money from his stupidity. Before I can really wonder why he's here so late I see Gerald bounding down the side walk. It hits me how much he never really changed. He's still the tall black guy who likes basket ball and comedy. Kevin Hart is his idol; I got him tickets to see the stand up show about a year ago for his birthday. He says it was one of the best gifts he ever got.

"Hey kid, what are you doing standing around outside. It's cold out here." He never let me live down that nickname.

"Waiting on you!" We both laugh as we walk in the creaking door. As soon as I get in and get my jacket off a bolt of electricity hits me. I scan the room and find the source; Helga is sitting in a booth across from Chad. She looks a mixture of shock and pissed. She excuses herself from the table and walks by me outside, grabbing my arm quite forcefully with her. Gerald shoots me a look but I motion to a table, hoping he'll sit down. Chad catches wind of what's happening, always two steps behind everyone else, but stops when he sees her face. Now I'm scared.

_How the hell did he follow me here?! I drag him out the door by his arm and whip him around when we get outside._

"_What the hell are you doing here? Did you follow me? Didn't I tell you I wanted to be left alone you…you. You football head!" _

She is seriously angry, but I cant help but feel my pulse kick up when she uses my old nickname. I resist the urge to smile and try to choke out an excuse but she cuts me off.

"_Save it. Look you promised we'd just work on this stupid project together. You weren't going to bother me. As soon as I leave your house and go out you're here. Don't you find that the slightest bit creepy? Hello, I'm talking to you!"_

_He's looking at me with glazed eyes. I'm going back in there's no way he's going to be able to talk himself out of this one. As I turn though, he grabs my arm. I turn to swing at him, instinct, and he catches it with his other hand._

"Hold up a second you. I didn't come here because of you, I had no idea you were here until I saw you glaring at me. This is the only place in walking distance that I can get something to eat in at this time of night. I'm here with my friend, not to, what, stalk you?" The anger of being ignored bubbles up in me, "since you've gotten back you've been so high and mighty with me. In case you've forgotten since you got pretty, you were the one who kissed me and left town, you're the one who tormented me in school and then would randomly help me. And you're going to sit here and call me crazy? God Helga, get over yourself a little bit."

Her demeanor changes as her crystal eyes break under what I said. I immediately regret it but at the same time it needed to be said. She pulls her arms away from me and turns to go back inside. Chad looks at her and throws some money on the table before stomping out to me. This is going to get ugly quick. Before he can do anything I hear Helga.

"_Come on Chad, he's not worth it. Just take me home please; I just want to go home." _She has tears sliding down her cheeks but she's brushing them away as soon as they fall. Chad sneers at me before turning and walking to his car and helping her in the passenger seat. I watch as they drive away.

"Hey man, still want something to eat?" I turn and look at Gerald and shake my head.

"Alright, well come inside and explain to me what the hell just happened. That was bold kid but not the good kind of bold."


	7. Chapter 7

"I've got it bad Gerald. I never even thought about her when she left and now she's back and it's like I'm the obsessed one." I sigh and run my hands over my head letting the frustration wash over me.

"Man, you've got to relax and let up. You are acting crazy! I love you like a brother but she's been back for like three days and you're acting like she's the love of your life. You said it yourself, you haven't thought about her in years. Do you like her because she grew up and got hot?"

"No! God, its not like that Gerald." The waitress sets some plates of burgers and fries down. "Like yea I mean she's gorgeous. It goes beyond that though. You remember when you lost your skateboard you never used? It was like you didn't realize how much you missed it because you didn't appreciate it. It had always been there for you when you didn't acknowledge it. Then when you got it back it was like everything was different, you couldn't imagine _not_ having it ever again. You rode it everyday until it broke."

"You comparing Helga to my old skateboard?" He chuckled. I shot him the dirtiest look I could muster while laughing. He had a point but at the same time I knew it went deeper than that. "I get what you're saying man, kind of. I'm just saying if you gave her space, let her see that you're not some kid but the kind of guy she should want as a friend then maybe she'll come around. Look, I know a good amount about her from Phoebe. She's not the girl we knew man, she's had some serious stuff happen to her. She has a lot of trust issues and she has some problems she working through. Honestly, just do your project, keep your head down, and let her come to you on her terms.

_I pull away from Chad's lips and settle back in the seat. He looks at me with sparkling eyes and a wicked smile and I try to steady my insides. Even as I have this guy who girls would kill for lusting after me I cant help but think about what He said. After we left the dinner Chad drove us to his secluded spot so I could calm down. It started when he wiped the tears away from my eyes. I tried to push his hands away but he just kept doing it. It wasn't long until he was kissing me, pulling my lips into his. I tried to pull back but he wouldn't let me. I think he knew deep down I needed this so I stopped trying to fight it, I let him kiss me for a while, just losing myself in the motions. _

"You alright babe?" _He looks at me and honestly it scares me a little. He looks like a lion stalking his prey. It's almost comforting though, like someone is fiercely protective of me. _"You should have let me kick that guy's ass. He had it coming the way he talked to you."

"_It's not worth it though. He was right I've been acting like an ass to the kids I grew up with. You know, when I left, I left things really screwed up and I never really fixed any of it. I want to though, you know? I don't like how I left things. Its getting late though, think you can bring me home?" _

"Not without another kiss I cant." _I lean in one last time, Arnold's words nagging my head._

Gerald's right, I've been acting like a crazy person. I really should apologize for yelling at her like that. She may have been being a bitch but that doesn't mean I'm allowed to loose my temper on her like that. I could have talked to her like a normal person, sat down next time she came over and worked it out like adults instead of a couple of kids. I'll shoot her a text and apologize, that way she can respond on her own time. I'll make it nice and simple though. "Hey Helga, look I just wanted to apologize for how I acted earlier. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I did mean what I said the other day though, I want to be friends, but on your terms. I'm sure things weren't easy when you moved away and basically if you ever want someone to talk too just call me." I hit send before I could think too much about what I was doing.


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm floating along the clouds; the sun is warming my face. I turn and see him walking toward me his arms outstretched and smile plastered on his. I run into his arms without thinking and he wraps them around me. He squeezes me and the embrace becomes too tight. The sky fades from its golden pink to a dark and stormy gray. The wind whips around us as his squeezes tighter. My body fights his but its no use against his strength I grow weak and the world begins to fade. There is nothing beyond a screeching in my ears. _

_I bolt up from my nightmare, sweat dripping down my forehead, and slam my alarm. I__'__m in my room, I__'__m safe and nothing is hurting me. I lie back down for a moment and catch my breath. It__'__s been a week since I__'__ve spoken to Arnold or anyone besides Chad really. He__'__s introduced me to the entire football team and cheerleading squad. Everyone has been really nice so far, except a couple of the head cheerleaders who used to have a thing with Chad. It__'__s been almost normal. I hear creaking outside my door and sit up. Little giggles and scuffles force me out of bed and out the door with a smile on my face. _

"_Oh Rugrat, I hear you!__" __I bolt around the door to come face to face with my little monster. He shrieks and runs behind his mother who is just getting out of her room to wake me. _

"Oh baby sister, there you are. I was worried you wouldn't wake up in time for breakfast. I made pancakes and bacon for you and father. And for this little boy," she lifts him and swings him around, "It's time to go wash our hands before we send Aunt Helga off to school." _We both laugh as he wiggles away from her and behind me. _

"No mommy, I don't wanna! I wanna go eat with Aunt Helgi. She never makes me wash my hands!" _I kneel next to him and feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulder. _

"_Hey now mister, that__'__s not how we talk to mommy. She works very hard to make sure you__'__re clean and handsome and we are very thankful for that.__" __He sighs very loudly for someone so tiny and walks over to Olga lifting his arms in defeat. She shoots me a thankful smile as she takes him into the bathroom and I head downstairs._

_As promised breakfast is waiting on the table for me and my father is in his seat at the head of the table. He flips through the pages of the paper as I sit and fill my plate. I look over at him and feel a surge of my own thankfulness. Sure, last time I lived here my dad wasn__'__t the kind and caring guy I know today. He was a really huge and non attentive jerk most of the time. He gave me horrible expectations and punished me harshly for not living up to them. Between his anger and moms alcoholism I was neglected and hurt. Moving helped but it wasn__'__t until Olga came home pregnant with Oliver that we all really bonded. They realized she wasn__'__t perfect, that she made mistakes. She also taught them to see the importance in me; I was her baby sister and deserved all of the love they could offer. We really bonded over her pregnancy and became friends. We shared fears and excitement all while she grew the greatest gift God ever gave us. I can__'__t imagine what would have happened had she never gotten pregnant. _

_Oliver comes bursting into the kitchen laughing infectiously. He runs straight at Dad who drops the paper and scoops him up with a love I didn__'__t know at that age. My mind drifts to a different place. A larger kitchen with a black wooden table, a different toddler is in the man__'__s of a different man. They laugh; an infant sits on my lap bouncing and cooing. All three have blonde hair and blue eyes and I feel whole. I look into the man__'__s eyes and see all of the love the world could ever offer reflecting back. I feel a smile form on my lips as I return to the real world and see my happy little family. _

_I look at my phone and notice I have 15 minutes to be in my first class. I shoot up and out the door before I can even finish eating. I kiss Oliver goodbye and run. Its raining outside and I splash into deep puddle soaking my shoe. My luck never ceases to fail me. I continue down the street limping and tugging my jacket up as high as I can to keep the rain away. My walk to school is short but in the rain it feels miles long. Cars wiz by all with different places to be. I feel my chest fill with a sad loneliness. I__'__m getting cold and my hair is beginning to plaster to my head. Why don__'__t I keep an umbrella on me? I__'__ve spent plenty of time alone in the rain though. A hear a car slow down to my left, I hate when people do that. I keep straight ahead until I hear my name called out. I turn and see Arnold sitting behind the wheel of a beat up sedan. The rust has wound around the exterior like vines on the boarding house. He looks concerned for me, so much like the first time we met. I hold his gaze for a moment before looking ahead again; I__'__m not ready to talk to him. As if reading my mind he tells me I don__'__t have to say a word but he__'__d prefer to drive me, I__'__ll catch a cold in this weather__…__blah, blah, blah. He continues this little speech and I continue to tune him out. _

Stubborn girl always has been. This is just like when we were kids and she wouldn't just let me help her by sharing my umbrella. We haven't spoken in a week for God's sake and all I'm doing is offering her a chance to get out of the rain. I'm driving as slow as possible; cars are flying past me uncomfortably close. She ignores me for four blocks. I'm about to give up hope when we approach a corner and I watch some jerk hit the puddle just right and drench her in the dirty water. Her eyes go wide and she curses at him as he flies away. I resist the urge to call out to her again. She turns though, looking at me with a mix of sadness and gratitude while walking over to my car and knocking on the window.

"_Do you think I can have that ride still?__"_ Her face reddens deeply as I nod and lean over to open the door for her, it gets stuck sometimes. She avoids my gaze as she sits, tugging at her wet hair. I lean around her seat and grab an old beach towel I keep in the car for emergencies. I hand it to her before pulling back into traffic, were already late for school. I watch her from the corner of my eye, her eyes brimming with tears. I want to push and see what's bothering her but I know better. I pull up to a red light and see the same small little girl I met all those years ago. Deep down she's never changed. The day I offered her my umbrella she was wet, sad, and tugging on her hair. This was the girl I wanted to know but she was so determined to keep me out, she still is. But that stubborn streak, the lips that form a tight thin line, those are the ones of the girl I grew up with. Somehow, it makes her so beautiful. The pain she's gone through makes her so much more attractive, it deepens her and floods her soul with experience. She's so unlike anyone I've ever met because she is the only other person who understands real and deep pain. Before I can stop myself my hand is reaching over to wipe a tear away, but as quickly as it happens she's out the door of my car and into the rain once again.


	9. Chapter 9

_I tug the hem of fabric over my hips, up my stomach, and to a rest on my chest. The dress is a stunning shimmer of gold, simple but breathtaking. I glance into the mirror at my goddess like makeup and long loose curls. I know I look devastatingly good. I have half an hour before Chad gets here. We've been dating for a few weeks and I really don't know how things could be better. He treats me like a princess, his princess. He makes sure I am always happy and in the spot light of the school. My grades aren't the best but its okay because at least I have him. I look into the mirror again inspecting for flaws, so far he hasn't seen anything that's made him unhappy, except for my soft spot for the football head. After he drove me to school I've made an effort to be kinder to him. Arnold really isn't a bad guy, just really intense. When I'm around him I feel like I'm on fire, I can't keep still. We've been working on the project a few times a week and so far it seems really good. We've done a lot of research into the period and I've been drafting a few things. He's patient with me, understands that I'm going to rip up anything that isn't perfect, and understands that he can't read a single word until I've Okayed it. Hell, most of the time that we work together he's just talking to me, trying to make me trust him or something. Unfortunately it's beginning to work. _

"Baby Sister! You're date is here to pick you up!" _I feel my face flush and my heart hike up. I walk down the stairs and look down to see Chad's face beaming up at me. His eyes watch me like prey and it makes my knees buckle. He catches me in his arms and smiles down at me wickedly, I hear dad clear his throat. _

"Alright you two, have a good night, but not too good. Helga if you stay out please call and warn us." _My father watches us leave, why isn't he happier for me? I shake my head as I climb into Chad's car. He had the inside cleaned for tonight. He takes my hand and smiles over at me as he pulls into the road. _

"You look gorgeous babe; I can't wait to show you off." _I smile and settle into my seat. Whenever I'm around Chad I don't feel a reason to speak, he says it all for me. _

_The rest of the ride is silent beyond the occasional insults Chad hurls at other drivers. I focus on how much fun tonight will be, how I'll dance the night away with Chad. As we pull into the school my eyes wander on all of my classmates. Who would have known that coming back would be so easy? I have all of the confidence of Arizona with none of the rumors and everyone has all but forgotten who I was as a kid. I see Phoebe and Gerald with all of their friends. I haven't really talked with her since I began seeing Chad so much, tonight I'll change that. Tonight is going to be perfect. _

_I crash into Chad's lap laughing over the music. We've been dancing for hours and I haven't been able to feel my feet for most of it. His arms snake around my waist as he kisses my neck; I shake away from him slightly noticing the stares we are getting. The whole thing feels so good but something continues to nag at the edges of my mind. It's not entirely right. Chad seems like he should be Mister Right, but every time I look into his eyes I fail to see anything beyond tonight. There's no future with him, only the now, which is starting to get old. God, I wish I could just be happy for once without going on these deep depressive rants. _

"How about a drink, doll face?"_ His lips tickle my ear. However, before I can really answer he is up from under me and walking toward the buffet table with his friends in tow. The girls and I sit at the table, most of them whispering while I pretend not to notice. Don't get me wrong the girls are nice to my face but I know they cannot wait to shove a knife in my back, but that's high school for you. I see Rhonda and Phoebe striding toward me and feel the smile build on my lips. _

"_Excuse me." I say to noone and particular as I get up and meet the girls half way. _

"Hello gorgeous, you look absolutely ravishing in that dress!" _Rhonda beams to me. She doesn't look half bad herself in a short maroon dress that flatters her beyond belief._

"_Rhonda cut it out, you look beautiful too. Phoebe when did you start wearing green, it looks perfect on you!" Phoebe blushes but I mean what I said. She's got on this gorgeous emerald green dress that hits mid thigh and flares out like a little cupcake. Her fashion sense really grew up along with her brain. _

"Honestly, not until Gerald told me he liked it on me. That sounds so silly but I never really thought about how colors looked on me until I started dating him. I was too busy thinking about school work to care."

"Awe, Phoebe, you guys are too cute together. Speaking of cute couples, you and Chad Helga? That's not a bad match, although a surprising one."

"_What do you mean a surprising one?" I feel an old anger simmer deep within me._

"Relax! I didn't mean anything bad about you by that. Chad has a bit of a reputation as I'm sure you've heard. Its just funny to see him settled down with a girl for more than a few days. Have you guys fooled around yet?"

_Now's my turn to blush, "No, I really don't like to move to fast, you have to keep some mystery. Otherwise what would they stay for?" Before she can answer me Chad sneaks an arm around my waste and hands me a drink. I take a sip as the girls both look at me slightly skeptical, they can gawk all they want though. My mystery is still working. Chad leads me away and I blow the girls a kiss goodbye. My head feels a little dizzy so I lean into his arms. I blink hard, hoping it stops but it keeps getting worse. _

"_Chad I don't feel so well.." _

_With that everything begins to go black. _


	10. Chapter 10

_I'm cold. I go to turn over when I feel something hard lodge in my back. I open my eyes and let them adjust to the light, or lack of. I reach for my phone on my nightstand but end up grabbing something soft and wet. It's moss...where am I? I lean my body up and survey my surroundings; I'm lying on the ground in the park. There is a rock in my back. How the hell did I end up out here? My hands fall over my legs, the fabric of my dress isn't there. My dress is hiked up around my waists and my thong is missing. Suddenly I am hit with a ton of bricks. _

_My breathing hitches up and I feel my body tremble. I reach around for my phone frantically; I can't be awake right now this has to be a bad dream. As I search I begin to try and piece things back together but there is a throbbing in my ears. The last thing I really remember was dancing with Chad…after he gave me the funny tasting drink. My mouth goes dry and I heave. I told him I didn't do those things so soon…he took things into his own hands. My mind spins as I grab my phone. I click it frantically but its dead, it's not going to turn on. I feel the tears slip out and for once I let them. _

_I let myself calm down before standing up and pulling my dress down, up ahead I see a clearing. That asshole took my shoes. I slowly walk toward what I can only assume is the path. I feel the lump form in my throat. Where am I supposed to go? I can't go home, or to Phoebe's. It's too late for that. I don't have any other friends either. There is only one person in the world who will not say anything to anyone if I show up there this late, and no one would suspect it either. _

I stretch out on the couch and roll over, tired of the same old shows on TV. I hear a faint knocking noise along with some scuffling around the lower part of the house.

"Arnold, come down stairs please." my mom doesn't sound too happy. Why is she yelling for me anyhow, its nearly midnight on a Friday night. I huff and drag myself up, lord knows what I'm in for down there.

I scramble down the stairs as fast as I can, curiosity winning me over. I see my mom immediately and behind her slightly to the left is an angel who looks like she's been dragged through hell. My mouth falls open and I struggle to find words. She looks at me, tears held up in her beautiful eyes, pain fresh across her face, but mostly just dirt and some blood on her body. She looks terrified and small, so different from the fighter I've always known. I stare for a few moments more before I hear my mom clear her throat.

"Arnold bring her up to your room and help her get cleaned up, I'm going to see what I can find for those cuts." I just kind of nod and turn, assuming she'll follow. I'm about five steps up when I realize she's still standing at the door, paralyzed, I walk back down and take her hand, she shudders violently but lets me lead her up to my room. The moment we get through the door she begins hyperventilating. At this point I don't know how she got like this but I have a feeling it has to do with that asshole. I rub her back until she calms down slightly; I haven't said a word to her yet.

"Helga, what happened to you?" Her face turns beat red and she looks down suddenly, immeadiatly I know for sure my fears are correct.

_He keeps staring at me like I'm some kind of animal, coming here was a mistake, I don't know why i decided to come here of all places. He's still talking but my ears wont listen, its like I'm hearing his words but their not making it all the way in, not until he says something about a hospital._

"_I am not going to a hospital Arnold," My body heats up from my toes and my eyes well up again, "that's why I came here, so I could just get cleaned up without my dad freaking out." _

"Helga I'm sorry but I'm not giving you a choice, I know what that scumbag did and if you don't go to the hospital and let the law sort it out I will take care of him myself and end up in jail." She flinches, I know my voice is stern but she needs to understand this isn't a game. What happened tonight is unforgivable and with all she's been through I wont let it happen.

"_Arnold you don't get it, its not the first time this has happened to me. I know how to handle it. A guy like Chad won't get in trouble for this it'll just ruin my reputation more than I'm sure he already has. I just want to take a long hot shower and get some sleep." _

She looks at me with big round eyes and I know I'm going to give in. I sigh and get her a couple of towels and lead her to my private bathroom. I walk to the tub as she takes a seat on the edge and I turn on the water for a bath, she needs the rest and a shower will be too much. I check it with my wrist and turn the heat to a comfortable temperature. She's watching my intently so I flash a smile and feel my heart tighten up at how disheveled she looks.

"Give the tub time to fill before you get in, I'll be out here with clothes when you're ready ok?" She nods and thanks me. I walk over to my bed to grab my phone to call my mom. I have six messages from a number I don't have saved. My heart begins to thump hard in my chest as I open the first. My mouth drops and I dry heave. On the screen of my phone in Helga, small and asleep, half naked in the back of a truck. The other five are all similar to that but more disgusting. I feel the anger bubble up in me and I know I cant just let this go. Maybe this has happened to her before but before I wasn't there to protect her. I need to get her to the hospital, I don't want to tell her about this but it might be my only way to get her to listen to me. I run over to the door and burst in.

_I jump when I hear the door slam open and my body tightens up. Arnold is looking at me with crazy in his eyes and I feel genuine fright in my bones. _

"I can't let you do this Helga you need to go to the hospital." _I sigh and shake my head at him but before I can argue he has his phone under my nose. I look at the screen and feel vomit come up my throat. It's me, and he's sent them to everyone he knows. I sit back slightly trying to process what's going on. I feel Arnold take my arm and help me stand, he pulls the plug on the tub and turns off the water. I am given a pair of sweat pants and a large shirt and I feel myself automatically put them on. He's still in the room but he's not looking at me, he is playing with his phone muttering something about saving the photos for the police. He takes my arm and leads me downstairs telling his mom were going to the hospital, she takes his keys away and tells him she's driving. He goes to argue with her but the look in her eye makes him stop short. She touches my arm and promises me she's going to see that everything is alright. I am led to a large SUV and Arnold opens the passenger door for me. I feel like I am watching my body from above as they talk about what entrance to use. I hear his mom say my names a few times. _

"Helga, sweetheart, I am going to bring you to the nurses' entrance. I work at the hospital and already told my supervisor what happened. We are going to keep you away from other people so that no one else knows what happened. After an examination they are going to have to police come and talk to you. They are also having you dad meet us there."

_I nod my head not understanding a word of what she just said. Arnold holds my shoulder and rubs it softly but I barely feel it. _

She's in shock. She isn't really here, I mean her body is but her mind is somewhere else. Normally she would have argued every step of the way but those photos snapped that in her.

It's sickening how someone can take an angel and break her wings. She may act tough but deep down she's just had a lot of terrible stuff happen to her and grew a shell. She just needs true affection. Someone who won't expect anything from her someone who will hold her every night someone who she can depend on...at this moment I'd give anything to be that someone. I don't get why she came to me though, she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me.

We pull up to the hospital and a short pudgy woman runs up to the car. Her and my mom exchanges a few words before the woman goes to take Helga.

"Arnold, please come with me.." She breaks her silence and looks to me, I nod once and get out of the back taking her one arm while the woman, whose name is Randi, takes the other.


	11. Authors Note

Now before I continue with my little story I want to make a few things clear. I did not bring the story in this direction for views or because I feel like it's the only way to make a female character interesting. I don't want anyone here to feel like I betrayed them. I took the story in this direction because victims need to learn to speak up for themselves. Victims shouldn't feel like it will only hurt them more by speaking up. Victims should feel safe to get medical treatment without fear of being judged or being accused of lying. People who commit these disgusting crimes should be the ones in fear, not the victims. How do I know all of this? Because I was a victim and I didn't speak up. This story is my therapy, what I wish I would have done instead. And Helga will not stay a victim for long, I can promise you that. So please stay with me on this journey and hopefully learn a little more about keeping an open mind and how to stop the culture of victim shaming.


	12. Chapter 11

_They take me into the hospital. Arnold really hasn't said much, he probably hates me for dragging him into this, that's why he keeps nodding and not talking to anyone. We walk down a long empty hallway before I'm brought into a big white room. It smells like bleach and blood mixed like a deadly cocktail. When my mom first got sick we spent a lot of time in one of these places. I wonder how disappointed __she'd be to see me right now. My legs start to give out as they lay me on the bed. Without thinking Arnold takes my hand and rubs his thumb in circles. The feeling numbs out the nurse poking and prodding my cuts. I didn't really notice how many there were. It looks like thorn marks... I feel my face tighten and my jaw set as she applies some kind of antibiotic to them, it stings. I feel a hiss escape my lips and see Arnold watching my intently. I feel like a beast, a dirty no good animal, and he sees it too. My soul is broken, everything I thought I could be here is gone, and I am utterly alone. Why did I ever think I'd be worth something to anyone? _

"**Helga, sweetie, the doctor will be in shortly, ok**?"

_I nod at the homely woman and lay my head into the pillows behind me. Arnold must hate me for this, I hate me for this. If only I hadn't worn this type of dress or flirted so much. I shouldn't have said no, if I had said yes I would have been able to protect my reputation. I was pretty rude to him, I always talked about myself, I should have talked more about him. Maybe I would have seen this kind of behavior before. God, if only I had used my head. I tried at act all big and tough and look where it got me, I'm lucky it wasn't worse. Maybe if I lost that weight I've been meaning to loose he would have respected me more. If I looked classier I'd be treated with more class. _

"**Helga, talk to me, I'm here for you**," I see the strain in her face. Her head snaps to me as if she completely forgot I was here, her eyes wide and terrified. Whatever is happening in her head has her under a choke hold.

_I look at him and immediately regret it. He can see how damaged I am, everyone can see how disgusting I am. I'm not worth all of this trouble. I'm so stupid for going to his house I should have…I should have… that's right I had nowhere else to go… I don't have any real friends besides Phoebe. She's the only person who's ever cared about me and what for? I've always been a bitch to her, talking about my problems and my life. When was the last time I asked her about her life? No wonder I knew not to go there. _

_The doctor walks in, behind him the short homely woman, behind her Arnold's mother. Why not have a parade to witness my humiliation. I watch from above my body the scene around me. The doctor and nurse prep a rape test. Arnold continues to stare at me, different emotions flickering over his face before I can decipher them. His mother resting her hand on his shoulder and telling him they need to give me some privacy. My weak voice asking him to stay, much to everyone's' surprise, including my own. _

How can I refuse her anything she wants? Mom nods her head and leaves the room to wait up the hall. I continue to sit and watch her struggle to come to terms with her reality. Who would have thought I can feel so many emotions flow through me. I am worried, angry, anxious, scared, and murderous. The different feelings flash over me with every circle my thumb makes on her hand. The doctor begins by asking her questions, simple things, when was her last period, does she use birth control. Her answers are short and concise, I think it's because she's holding back tears. The doctor moves to more in depth questions about what happened tonight, the nurse is taking notes. Apparently the last thing she remembers is having a drink he gave her then waking up in the park. She doesn't remember the assault itself, which is a blessing. She doesn't need to remember the details. The doctor keeps asking her questions while he begins his exam. He checks her head to toe while she lies like a statue on the bed. She doesn't move unless instructed, she doesn't speak unless asked a direct question, her fire is extinguished. He talks to her for a total of thirty minutes, takes some samples from her body, and promises things will get better. He also gives her a prescription for a morning after pill and urges her to take it. The nurse pats her hand and tells me shell let my mom know we are free to leave; Helga's physical injuries are minor. Once we're alone I watch the tears begin to slide out silently. They roll down her cheeks and it before I can stop myself I am leaning forward and wiping them away.

_That's all I need to break down into pieces. I feel all of the air escape my chest as I take ragged breathes. Without pause Arnold sits on the edge of my bed and I hurl myself into his chest. Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve it? Haven't I dealt with enough hardship for one lifetime? I feel my lungs beg for oxygen and my whole body shakes with my sobs. Arnold's just rubbing my head and back shushing me softly. I'm such an idiot, I'm ruining his shirt with my makeup. I take a deep breath in and hold it as long as possible to stop the tears. _

"**Helga, let it out. I'm not going to judge you for needing to cry right now.**" _He pauses. I keep my breath held, not trusting myself. _"Helga, don't worry about the shirt, I can buy a new one later." With that the air rushes out of her lungs and a fresh round of sobs fills the room. My arms wrap around her tighter as her nails dig into my back. Our bodies shake as she allows the emotions to seep out of her. All I want in the world is to take her pain away, to pull back the layers of who she is and expose the parts of her I know are hidden deep down. I can't stop myself from pressing my lips into her hair desperately wanting to comfort her more.

_I feel the sobs take over my body as I rock us back and forth. I don't deserve his kindness, I'm not worthy of anyone's kindness. His hand rubs my back softly and I feel his cheek rest against my head. As a girl this would have been a dream come true so why does it feel like a nightmare? I shouldn't be doing this, not in front of anyone. My face burns with embarrassment, I could handle being neglected better than I handle this. I refuse to acknowledge the word though, see I know deep down I deserved it, Chad was only taking what I had offered with no intent of giving. I was a tease, a no good whore. I feel myself slipping down a familiar pathetic hole. I hear Dad in the hallway, he's yelling and I hear clattering. My sobbing intensifies as he draws near. Arnold's mom is stopping him, he can't see me like this. This is why they loved Olga more. She never let this happen, sure she has Oliver but he was consensual. I'm worthless. Arnold's whispering to me, his voice is relaxing.  
_"**Shhh Helga you're gonna be alright. I know this is a lot but we'll make it through this. You're okay, I'm here I'm not going anywhere.**" I rub her back softly, her sobbing is slowing and her body is broken. She's covered in red splotches from her crying and for the first time I notice the scratch marks all over her body. I look down at her and she pulls her arms around her chest. That's when I notice the blood under her nails and on her wrists, she must scratch herself. My heart breaks even further... She hurts herself, and from the looks of it, has for a long time. My blood boils under the pain, what happened to the strong girl I knew, was she ever really that strong or was it all an act so no one knew how vulnerable she could be? I pull her tightly to my chest and hold her as the tears slide out of her closes eyes. I'm going to kill him.  
"**Sweetheart, what happened to you? Who did this?**" _We both jump at the sound of Dad finally being allowed in the room. I look up at the clock on the wall as I hear Arnold begin to explain to him what happened. God it's been forty five minutes that I've been sobbing, no wonder I'm so drained. I faintly hear Dad yelling at Arnold and it snaps me back to reality like a smack across the face. It's a tone I know _

"_**Bob, leave him alone. If it weren't for him and his mother, whose standing next to you by the way, I would still be lying on the dirt in the park. He's the one who brought me here. I just wanted to take a long hot shower and go to bed and pretend none of this ever happened. It's because of this "kid" that I'm getting medical help and charges will be brought up against that asshole. So stop taking your anger out on him, he saved me**_." By the time I finish I'm out of breath and finally feeling something besides self-loathing run through my veins. Dad is muttering an apology and asking questions and Arnold is giving him all the details he knows, going as far as mentioning the photos. I had forgotten about those. That jerk is going to pay for what he did to me tonight, I don't care if his dad is a hot shot lawyer. No one touches Helga G Pataki without her permission. Arnold touches my hand softly, my death grip releasing the sheets.  
"**Come on Helga, let's get you home. The police are waiting in the hallway to ask you some questions, after that you can go to bed**."  
She gets up from the bed, still shaking slightly. It takes everything I have in me not to reach out and hold her back to me. Bob leads her out of the room and mom looks at me, waiting for me to follow. I wait a moment before hoisting myself up and walking out the door. The police are talking to her in low voices, Bob's arm is around her shoulders and she's holding back cries again. I feel moms hand guide me away and I know that image of her will haunt my dreams tonight.


	13. Chapter 12

_I toss and turn, too uncomfortable with my body to rest. After explaining everything to the police, six times over, I was allowed to go home and shower. I sat in the tub for a few hours, it was five in the morning when I finally lay down. The police were going to bring Chad in for questioning and DNA testing, and hopefully lock him away. My phones been vibrating nonstop since I plugged it in, I don't have the energy to see who it is. I'm sure some are Arnold...ugh Arnold. I don't know what possessed me to go to him. Deep down I knew he'd be understanding, even though I froze him out he was kind to me. Even when I told him off he apologized for snapping back. That's who Arnold has always been. If I shut my eyes I can almost feel him rubbing my back. I'll admit it I still love him. I love and always have loved Arnold Phillip Shortman. Although I'm still heavy and in pain a weight is lifted off my chest. I've been refusing to acknowledge the truth for so long, no wonder I have no idea who I am. _

_I roll out of bed, accepting the sleep is not going to come, and start unpacking my boxes. I lay the clothing on my bed that goes in the closet knowing I need hangers. Oh my god, the closet! I throw its door open and crawl to the back and see something I would have bet money had been trashed long ago. Sitting there is my shrine, although missing the Arnold statue I had made, still had everything else. Laying in the statues place is my diary I had fought so hard to protect. I flip through the pages looking back at a past I'd much rather forget. _

_"_**You make my girlhood tremble...**_"_

_Oh lord I was the world's biggest creep! I was what 9 when I wrote that? How did that cross my brain?! After a sentence like that it's probably not healthy to be with him. When my life was at its very worst though he was what I clung to for hope. I was always such a brat too, yet he included me. Maybe if I hadn't been so mean, so protective of myself, this never would have happened... Years have gone by and I'm still treating him like he's got a flesh eating disease or something. Why is it so hard for me to just be nice to him? _

I've been doing damage control all night. After I got home from the hospital and explained everything to Mom and Dad about Helga I got on the phone and called Gerald, who had been blowing up my phone for hours. It seems like Chad sent the photos to everyone, even going as far as Brainy. I'm meeting up with Gerald and Phoebe at 10 to come up with some kind of plan to keep Helga sane until this all gets taken care of. We can't let her deal with this alone, I don't care how strong she is no one should deal with this alone. I can't sleep so I throw on some clothes and head over to the auto shop I work at, it's 7am so the owner, Mikey, should be in. I'll stay for a couple of hours to keep busy before heading the diner. I walk outside and decide to skip driving and walk, it'll help me kill some time and relax. I'm so wound up, part of me is tempted to head over to Chad's and talk to him about his little photo shoot. I shake my head and run my hands through my hair. I can't do that it'll only make things worse, besides, whose gonna protect her if I'm in jail for assault?

I approach the garage and see Mikey talking to the owner of a black BMW, I know exactly whose it is. I slow down, my heart thumping out of my chest, Mr. Parker is explaining how the interior of the car needs to be replaced, as soon as possible. His son had a "wild night with his girlfriend" and some damage was created. Are you kidding me? Not only is the son a rapist but the father covers up evidence, talk about a good family. I ball up my fists and walk into the shop, keeping my anger in until Mr. Parker leaves.

"**Mikey, we can't touch that car!**" I try to keep an even voice but I know I'm yelling already. It shocks Mikey a bit, and he doesn't shock easily. Mikey's a big guy, about 6'4" and 235lbs of muscle. He has a thick New York accent, specifically from the Bronx. He's not shy about his Italian heritage, heck we have family dinner every Sunday after we finish up.

"**What's the problem Arnold. We fix this shmucks car up all the time and he pays in cash. I don't really see why I shouldn't be touching something that's lining my pocket and paying your pay check. What are you doing here anyway, you're off this weekend. I mean, not that I mind you comin' in but you're supposed to be sleeping off a good time, like that shmucks kid.**" I shake my head quickly, grinding my teeth.

"**Mikey, you know I respect you, heck you've given me a great job since I was 14 and you let me sweep the floors at night for some extra money but I need you to trust me. The reason I'm not sleeping in is because I haven't slept yet. The reason I haven't slept yet is because I was at the hospital all night with Mr. Parker's son's "girlfriend",**" I air quote, "**who he raped in the back of that car.**" Mikey puts the wrench he was cleaning down and touches my shoulders softly.

"**Kid, you're kidding me right? I ain't about to get tied up in destroying evidence. I may be a big Italian brute but I ain't about to break the law.**" His eyes are pretty wide. I shake my head and steel myself. "**Well, fuck me. Do you have any proof kid? I'm gonna have to call the cops and they ain't gonna be too keen on this, he's a lawyer after all. I'm gonna be risking a lawsuit.**" I take out my phone and show him the tamest photo of the group as his face goes white. "**Alright kid, stay here I've got some phone calls to make, if anyone comes in help em out.**" With that Mikey turns around and goes into the office, slamming the door so everyone else knows not to bother him.

I spend the next few hours changing tires and making sure no one else touches the BMW. The police come by and tow the truck, Mikey tells me they're sending some cars to pick up Mr. Parker, attempting to destroy evidence is a serious crime lawyer or not. I wash up in the back to get some of the grease off my hands. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and pray Helga's getting some rest.

By 9:59 I'm at the dinner, sitting in a booth waiting on Gerald and Phoebe. No one besides the waitress says anything to me, even she looks like she'd rather stay away. I can't blame her, I know how tense I am. I probably look a little intimidating and it doesn't help that I'm being so short with everyone. I order a water and send her away as I see my friends approaching, they're not alone though. With them is everyone Helga bullied in elementary school, all of my friends. Gerald, Phoebe, Harold, Stinky, Sid, Eugene, Rhonda, Lila, Nadine, and Sheena all cram into our tiny booth. I'm shocked to see everyone gathered her for Helga. Before I can ask what's going on Gerald cuts me off.

"**Look Kid, I know you were just expecting me and Phoebe but when the pictures got out the texts started pouring in. Helga may not be speaking too many of us but our school is so big we have to stick together. This group has seen some of the worst and best times together, granted nothing ever this bad.**"

"**Helga is one of my best friends, she has been since preschool. Now don't get me wrong Helga was not always easy to deal with, she always had secrets and never wanted to be vulnerable, but when she moved she changed. Helga may kill me for telling everyone like this, but it'll help you understand why she's changed. As soon as she moved her parents began to notice her more. They left so abruptly, the loss of the mall really hurt them financially. Her mother quit drinking when they moved and her father started therapy. It took a few years but they began to pay attention to Helga. A couple of years ago Olga came home pregnant, the father had skipped out when she told him. At the same time her mother was diagnosed with liver cancer from years of drinking. The baby really brought everyone together and the attention from her parents pulled Helga out of her shell. If I'm completely honest though I don't think she's ever been herself I think this is just part of her front. Helga's only ever been vulnerable maybe twice in her entire life. Since her mother passed though she's fragile. The first time in her life she had a good relationship with her and she passes away**." My heart breaks for her again and I see everyone has wet eyes. "**I know she may not have been the nicest but in her own strange way Helga loved all of us. The anxiety she felt at coming home and facing us after how she treated everyone, she was sure everyone hated her. Quite frankly, even if any of us did hold a grudge, after seeing what happened to her...I don't think anyone can not want to help her. I know I'm rambling but my point is, we're all going to protect her and help her.**"

"**She's not going to let us,**" I interject.

"**That's the thing, Arnold, we're not letting her choose. She trusted you enough to go to you, although I'm not sure why she didn't come to me...so you will go to her house with me and Gerald. Well make sure she's ok. Rhoda is going to do damage control on her image. Harold is going to deal with the football team, he is the quarterback after all, if he says don't talk about something, they'll listen. The rest of them are going to make sure no one talks to Helga during school. We're going to make sure she hears next to nothing from anyone who doesn't know her like we do.**"

Even though I'm ready to kill a certain someone, my heart warms. These people really care about Helga. She deserves this and so much more. It's comforting to know that so many people have her back when she needs it most. I can't help but smile. "**Alright everyone, this is what we're gonna do...**"

"**Baby Sister, there's some people here to see you!**" _Olga yells from downstairs. I drag myself from my bed, still in Arnold's clothes. I can't help but feel tightness rise in my chest, maybe I should have checked my phone at least once, I have no idea who would want to come and see me. I wrap my comforter around me and drag myself to the staircase. At the bottom stands my best friend, her love, and what I accept to be the love of my life and thorn in my side. I can't stop myself, I sink to the ground and sob hysterically. Why are they here anyway? I feel his arms around me and before I can stop myself I'm sobbing into his chest like last night. _

"**Oh Helga,**" _Phoebe starts,_ "**we came to talk to you, all of us. We want to help.**"

_I sniffle and pull my head up._ "**There's nothing you guys can do. I've been back for a few weeks and my reputation is shot to hell. I'm going to have to deal with it myself.**" _His hand rubs my back the same way he did last night. Even as I pull away and face Phoebe his hand rubs my back. _

"**Baby Sister, you're never going to deal with things alone. Maybe as a child but, baby sister, you have me and Daddy.**"

"**Ant Helgi!**" _I'm rushed by a mess of limbs._ "**Mommy said you was sick Ant Helgi. I made you a picture!**" _I smile and wipe my tears onto my comforter as he snuggles into my lap. My arms wrap tightly around him and the anxiety begins to melt away. I nuzzle my face into his hair and begin to feel normal. _"**Ant Helgi, are you otay?**" _His little hands reach up to my face and rubs my cheeks. I catch his hand and kiss it softly while nodding yes. Whenever I look at his face my whole life falls into perspective. _

She's staring at the little boy with such intensity, to my surprise he returns it, never taking his eyes off her face. Olga shuffles her feet and clears her throat, causing both of them to look up.

"**Alright my little one, Aunt Helgi needs to speak with her friends.**" He clings to Helga tightly**. **"**Oh no now tiny, don't you hide from me!**" She laughs and reaches for her son, he smiles and allows her to take him but not without a kiss for Helga. Olga carries him out of the room, he peaks over her shoulder at his aunt the whole way.

"**Wow, Helga, he's really cute.**" She smiles softly and nods her head. I can see the love she has for him, that will be helpful. Gerald and Phoebe sit on the stairs with us. "**We're here for you, this is going to be a long fight but I may have something that will make you smile,**" she looks at me and for the first time in our lives I see her, like, really see her, "**Chad's dad won't be representing him.**" I see her brow furrow and before she can ask I continue, "**He brought Chad's truck to my shop to have the interior replaced. I told my boss about the investigation and he called the police. Mr. Parker was taken into custody this morning. The DNA evidence he attempted to destroy is going to be monumental in the case against his son.**" Her jaw is slack, so are Gerald and Phoebe's. I forgot I hadn't told them yet. I very gently close Helga's mouth and smirk. This was exactly what she needed to hear today.

_My heart is thumping out of my chest, not only will this really help get Chad behind bars but because he touched my face. My head spins slightly as I stare into his eyes, accepting my feelings are more intense than I remember. I look at Phoebe who's just as shocked as I am and grab her hand. We all sit in silence for a few moments before Gerald clears his throat. _

"**Kid, that was bold,**" _Before I can stop myself I throw my arms around his neck and hug him. This guy really is my savior._

"**Now, enough of this mushy gushy stuff. I'm going to take a shower you are all welcome to stay and wait up in my room. After that we'll get something to eat because I'm starving. Actually well order in, I have a craving for Italian and I know Dad won't mind picking it up.**" _Phoebe smiles and nods her head, leading the boys up to my room. I run to the kitchen and let Olga know what's going on before heading to the shower. For the first time since I woke up in the park I feel hope. But, why there still something nagging on the edge of my happiness, threatening to pull me under? _


	14. Chapter 13

**I pause at the doors of my school, the stares and whispers already surrounding me. Just breathe Helga, you know better than anyone that words can't hurt. I suck in a lungful of air and walk through the beige steel doors. My eyes adjust to the artificial light in time to see Rhonda and Phoebe fast approaching me. I smile, thankful I'm not walking alone. After my shower on Saturday Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe and I spent the afternoon hanging out and eating the Italian I made Dad pick up. We talked and laughed and it felt...right. For the first time in my life I wasn't trying to be tough or confident I just..was. We watched movies off Netflix and Arnold sat next to me, holding my hand in a gesture of friendship, I think. I'd catch him watching me out of the corner of his eye but he didn't try anything more than holding my hand. I'm grateful for it, I don't think I can really handle anything else right now. Yesterday was harder, I felt empty and void of any emotion. It wasn't until Arnold asked if I'd come by to work on our project that I felt anything and even then it was like a slight breeze stirring the autumn leaves. The project is due in a month and I'm almost done with the writing portion. **

**"Are you alright Helga? You're being particularly quiet this morning?" Phoebe prods me gently back to reality. We've gotten half way to class and I haven't said a word. Everyone's still staring, I forgot they saw the photos too. Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach, I should have stayed home like Olga and Dad wanted. I smile though, I don't want anyone to see me upset. **

**"I'm okay Phoebs, just tired I didn't really sleep last night." I shrug trying to act indifferent, I could swear that kid just commented to his friend on my boob size. I sneer at him as we walk past. **

**"No wonder you look like hell!" Rhonda practically shouts, Phoebe shoots her a look I just catch, "I mean not that you look terrible but you do look a little worse for wear. Come with me, I have makeup in my locker. A little concealer and blush and you'll look good as new!" **

**Before I can stop her Rhonda is pulling me down the hall. I suppose telling her I'm wearing a full face won't help much. In her own way Rhonda is just trying to help, like when she got her first pair of glasses, before she was able to switch to contacts. Rhonda's an odd kind of girl, she means well even if it comes off wrong. I roll my eyes, smirking, as Phoebe follows behind us chuckling. We stop at Rhonda's locker, she's busy opening the door when they approach us from behind.**

**"Wow Helga, I'm surprised you have the balls to show your face after you're little photo shoot." **

**My blood runs ice cold as I turn and face Patti. She's a head cheerleader and hasn't been fond of me since Chad and I started talking. She played nice around him but I knew as soon as we were out of earshot she was talking about me. I'm pretty sure her and Arnold dated a while back, she's pretty minus her god awful personality. Even though my heart is in my throat and I want to vomit, I size her up. We're the same height at 5'5", she's thinner but I'm stronger. Where I'm muscular she's soft and waif-like. Her chest is ginormous, at least a double d. The rest of her is thin and tan, like a Victoria's Secret Model. She has hazel eyes and full lips that are currently pulled into a sneer. I bit my lip and go to talk when Rhonda cuts me off. **

**"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were so interested in girls Patti. Is that why Chad left you for Helga? He get jealous that you liked her and not just him?" **

**Patti's face flushes bright red and she scoffs loudly. **

**"As if, and if I was into girls I'd like then a. actually attractive and b. not a whore." My heart is tightening quicker than I can breathe air in, I feel anxiety rising up and I start to shake. I can't let her win. **

**"Oh shut up, you try hard. Shouldn't you be throwing yourself at guys who aren't interested? What happened to me wasn't my choice, if it was I'd have no problem admitting to it. Enjoying sex doesn't make you a whore but tearing down other women makes you a bitch." I clench my fists a few times, digging my nails into my palms. If it weren't for the fact I have enough on my plate I'd deck her straight in her already crooked nose. She shoots me daggers with her eyes, scoffing again as if I'm beneath her, and saunters off with her minions in tow. **

**"Wow, Helga, I haven't seen that side of you since elementary school." I look at Phoebe and shrug. **

**"I haven't had a need to show it. In Phoenix no one really cared what you did. Also, dance was a huge thing so I had friends all over the place. If something like this happened there no one would mention it." I sigh softly, who would have ever thought this would be me? Even more, who thought I'd be resorting to old methods of self-defense? Hadn't I grown since the fourth grade? Rhonda holds my face steady with one hand as the other adds layers to my already cakey cheeks. **

**"Just a little more...and there! Utter perfection if I do say so myself!" Rhonda's smile stretches across her face and I can't help but to return one to her. "And don't worry about Patti, she's like my imported German Löwchen, all bark no bite. Give her a few days and she'll be moved on to someone else." **

**"It'd be much better for everyone if they muzzled her. I mean one can only take so much of someone's grotesque behavior before snapping." Phoebe chimed in. **

**I should really be grateful, I may be dealing with one hell of a fire storm but at least I have a few people who care about me. It's more than I thought I'd receive, more than I deserve. I wrap my arms around my torso and smile, I'm blessed to have them. The girls lead me down the hall, no one else is able to talk to me, the girls have me flanked like I'm the president or something. I feel uncomfortable. The stares burn into my skin like hot pokers, the judgement weighing upon me as if I were Atlas holding the world. It's not as if I really care what anyone thinks about me, I guess I'm struggling with knowing everyone's seen me naked and passed out. **

"**You know, if I was going to release nudes, I would have at least made them more artistic." Rhonda's mouth flops open audibly and Phoebe laughs softly. The few people close enough to hear me laugh as well. I can't pretend this hasn't happened and I can't sweep it under the rug. As long as that sick fuck sits in jail for what he did to me I can let my life continue to unfold as if it didn't destroy me. **

**I go through the day robotically. I've been escorted to every class by my former friends, no one is getting close to me. During class I keep my head down and my ears shut, taking my notes and that's about it. At lunch I sat in Arnold's car with Phoebe and ate in silence. Phoebe tried to talk but words just aren't coming out like they should. I keep wavering from badass who isn't going to let this define her to crying mess who doesn't know how to get through the next five minutes. I called Dr. Bliss this morning, she told me to come by after school let out. She may be a child phycologist but she has spoken to me for years. I just have to get through five more minutes and I'm home free.**


	15. Chapter 14

"**At least she is getting the help she requires. This has been very hard on her. The tough girl exterior has just been to hide a very raw and damaged core.**" I sigh, I know Phoebe is right but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like I'm losing my mind. I run my hands through my hair, again.

"**Arnold, my man, relax. This should be the best news this month, she's opening up to someone.**"

"**I know, I just, I wish it was me she felt safe talking to. I try so hard but it hurts to see her in such pain. I just want to know how she feels so I can fix it, I can't fix what I don't know.**"

"**No offense Arnold but you're not exactly equipped to handle situations of this delicacy. Helga needs to speak to someone with training and Dr. Bliss is one of the few people she's trusted through her childhood. When her mother passed away she did video sessions, which is a lot of trust. If you recall correctly, it was your house she went to in the middle of the night to begin with. She does trust you, more than most.**" Phoebe's voice hardened slightly, she still felt some resentment for that night. She's right again, Helga has trusted me, and I'm not able to really understand all of the subtle things this incident has done to her, how it plays into past scars.

It's been three weeks since she showed up on my doorstep in the middle of the night. Three weeks of her calling me nearly every night with nightmares. Three weeks of her ignoring the world during the day and reopening wounds late at night. Three weeks of wanting desperately to hold her in my arms and not being able to because any kind of touch sends her into a fit of tears. We're in a weird place, its painfully obvious how much I care about her and I don't want to push her in any direction right now. I'm her friend first.

"**I just want this to all go away. She has court next month and she's not going to rest until this nightmare is over.**"

"**Arnold that is something we need to talk about.**" Phoebe's voice strained. I looked up at her. What did she mean? "**The nightmare so to speak is just commencing. Helga is going to be subjected to masses of questions and interrogations. If it is anything like the Stanford case she will have every painful memory, every conversation, every moment from the time she hit puberty until now, displayed in a room full of strangers. Chad's father may be in jail and awaiting trial but he has friends in high places. Finding an impartial judge is one of the hardest parts of the case. The prosecuting attorney has a long road to a conviction.**" My mouth dropped open, we had all of the evidence, she had the rape kit, and we had his dad destroying evidence. How wasn't this an easy win?

"**What do you mean? We have all of the evidence! There's no way we can't win. How can anyone with a heart not convict him?**" My pulse quickens, my heart tightens up, and the edges of my vision got red.

"**There is evidence they had sex. There is evidence that Helga had drugs in her system, Flunitrazepam specifically. The real debate is did Helga take them knowingly or was she drugged? That is the hardest thing to prove. It is going to be very him against her, and as bad as this sounds, Helga does have a past. At her old school she was pernicious. Helga was very comfortable with herself and doing what she wanted, the defense can argue her past is indicative of her behavior that night. They could argue that she wanted it and took the drugs for recreational purposes and that when she came down from her high, regretted what she did and decided to cry rape. The US Justice System tends to favor what we call 'All American' men.**" Her face dropped to the table, Gerald's arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"**Don't worry sweet thing, Helga is the strongest, toughest, most confident girl we've ever met. She's smart and knows exactly what to say. She'll be fine, we're just here to support her.**" He rubbed her shoulders a few times until her head picks back up.

"**At least Dr. Bliss is helping sort this out before someone goes in and tries to twist her around.**"

"_**Helga, we've spent the last three weeks rehashing your childhood up until you left for Arizona. What happened when you left?" **__I sighed, of course she already knew what happened, we had video sessions twice a month after mom passed. She just wants me to confront all of my demons at once, get everything out in the open so I can heal. She also wants to make sure my story doesn't change, they'll drag this all out in court fifteen different ways, making sure the details never change. _

"_**I know, I know. I just, I've been replaying these years through my head the past few weeks and I feel like I'm drowning. Everything, every memory hurts.**__" My hands are trembling._

"_**Just start with what happened when you got to Arizona.**__" Dr. Bliss always knew how to get me to spill my guts, she's my second mom._

"_**Well, at first nothing changed, not at home anyway. School was weird, I didn't need to be a bully, I was this quiet girl no one talked too. It stayed that way until I hit puberty. Suddenly my parents noticed I existed, so did everyone else. One day, in the middle of a panic attack, I tweezed my eyebrows for the first time. The next morning I wore my hair down and switched my normal clothes for something Olga had given me as a gift for Christmas a year earlier. I hated who I was so much that I wanted to be the complete opposite. When I walked downstairs both of my parents were speechless, I walked out without them being able to even comment. School was intense, everyone spoke to me. The girls wanted to be my friend, the boys showed an interest in me for the first time in my life. It felt so good being noticed, being treated like I belonged. I had always been an outsider, every moment of my life, so from that day on I changed from the bully to the queen bee. Slowly my parents took notice in my interests and hobbies. I joined a dance team and began going out with people my age. By freshman year I was attending a different party every weekend. I began experimenting with drinking and sex. My first time was with a guy who bullied me into it. After that I struggled with my body and how much I liked myself. I stopped seeing sex as something meaningful and as a physical act specifically for pleasure, mostly my own. I stopped fooling around when Olga came home winter break. She was so thin and sad, she broke down when she walked in the door. She was five months pregnant and the father had basically fallen off the face of the Earth when she told him. My parents took her into their arms and promised it would be ok. For two weeks they returned to ignoring me to take care of her. I spent as little time home as possible. One morning when I was coming home after a long night out she caught me. When she saw how little my parents cared she lost it, she howled for hours about what terrible parents they were being. I deserved the same level of attention and adoration as her, that I was smart and special. It took that, coupled with the fact Olga wasn't a perfect angel anymore, which made them see me for the first time in my life. We all cried and, honestly, I let them in right away. I had spent so long on my own that when they wanted me I came easily. When Oliver was born the family felt complete. That lasted for about five seconds. Mom was diagnosed with liver cancer a few months later, she deteriorated rapidly. Years of drinking does that to you. When she died I was lost, we had become so close. Her last words to me were, 'never forget who you are Helga, I have always envied your strength and passion, and do something amazing with it. I will always love you and look after you.' After she died, Dad moved us back here, to where it all began. I put on my best show being back, I even convinced myself I was confident and had nothing to worry about. I stayed far away from the kids I had grown up with for the most part. They didn't know me anymore and honestly I didn't want them to know the new me. I was afraid they'd see through the cracks in my routine. I started dating Chad because he was the kind of guy I always dated, he was safe. Don't get me wrong, I had feelings for Arnold. Stupid football head, he made me feel too much. I wanted numb, Chad was numbing. There were a few flags here and there, he'd kiss me too roughly and try to get me to go further than I wanted but I never thought anything of it besides him being eager. I never would have thought he would…**__" The words catch in my throat, my hands tremble on my lap, and I feel the air in the room drop twenty degrees. Before I have a chance to hide my face she's sitting on the couch next to me hugging me into her. It takes me a moment but I collapse into her arms and let the pent up tears flow freely down my cheeks, staining her shirt. I haven't cried yet and I feel the tension leaving my body with ever wracking sob. She pets my hair and holds me close, letting everything finally flow. _

_After half an hour of intense crying, I calm down enough to pull away and wipe my eyes. Dr. Bliss hands me a tissue and smiles at me softly. I take a few deep breathes steadying my nerves, I know I have to keep going. I've ripped the scab off and I need to draw out the infection if I'm ever going to get better. _

"_**Helga we can stop here if you'd like, that was quite a breakthrough.**__" I shake my head vigorously. She smiles, tilting her head slightly to the right and motions for me to continue._

"_**I had been having issues with myself for a few weeks. I feel like I'm so unworthy of love and affection. Arnold was my partner for a class and Chad was wickedly jealous, he always bashed Arnold when he could and I never stopped him. I guess he took my silence as encouragement. Whenever he'd finish a tangent he'd kiss me roughly. There was one night we saw Arnold at a diner after I had told him that day to leave me alone.**__" _

"_**Why did you tell Arnold to leave you alone?**__" _

""_**Like I said before he made me feel too much. Being around him is like touching a live wire, all of my emotions bubble up, good and bad. I had just come back and I was still really nervous about how to handle seeing everyone I had bullied back in the day and he had been my number one target. I wanted to forget that part of my life, honestly I just wanted to live in the moment and forget everything that had happened or would happen.**__" She nodded her head and patted my leg. "__**Anyway, outside the diner Arnold and I had it out, I felt like he was pushing me so hard to be this good person he always saw, not knowing how fucked up I am. Chad came out and they almost got into it but I called him off and we left. He drove us around and tried kissing me really hard, I told him to cut it out. He looked really mad for a moment then let it go. I guess it was his way of trying to mark his territory so to speak. Anytime anyone talked to me he'd do that.**_

_**I know we talked about those kinds of warning signs but in the moment it just seemed like he was passionate about me and I ate it up. The night of the dance is still really fuzzy. I remember talking to some friends while he got me a drink, I remember drinking it and it tasting funny but I shrugged it off. I felt funny and then it all goes black. The next thing I knew I was waking up half naked in the park in the dirt. I knew immediately what happened. I didn't want to go home, my phone was dead so I couldn't call anyone. The only person I would have called would have been Phoebe anyway. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't want to show up to her house unannounced because her dad is super strict, plus I didn't want her mom calling my dad and getting him involved. In the moment I felt so dirty and worthless, I didn't want anyone worrying about me because I wasn't worth the thought. I wandered around for a while and ended up in front of the boarding house. I think deep down I knew it was a safe place, as a kid it was always so happy and warm, and I knew Miles and Stella were back and they were always so nice to me when I went over to work on the project with Arnold. I kind of found myself knocking before I knew what I was doing, Stella answered and I knew by the look on her face I was bad. She called Arnold down right away and told him to help me clean up while she got something for my cuts. I was so numb at that point, emotionally, I stood there as he started up the stairs. He looked like he had seen a ghost or a car accident or something his eyes were so wide. I looked pretty scary. When we got upstairs he started to run me a bath and left me in the bathroom by myself while the tub filled, he even checked the temperature on his wrist so it wasn't too hot. I was only alone for two minutes when he burst in the door like an escaped mental patient. Chad had sent the photos to everyone. At that moment I genuinely wanted to kill myself, my life was over as far as I was concerned.**__"_

"_**And now?**__" She cut me off._

"_**Well work on next session,**__" I grimaced, damn it why did I say that, "__**anyway, he insisted on the hospital and I was in too deep of shock to really fight him much. We got downstairs and Stella insisted on driving, she's a nurse now you know. It makes sense, she's so caring. She got me in the back way and right into a private room. The doctors and nurses examined me and then dad came and I went home.**__" I finished my story and sighed. Two days later I was in the office and spilling my guts of my childhood once again to Dr. Bliss. I've come three times a week, 3p.m. on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. She gives me her slight smile, proud at how much I opened up._

"_**Well Helga, our time is up and I am so happy with the progress we made. Now that we have some…issues… to work on we'll change the focus of our sessions from recall to treatment. I will see you on Friday.**__" I gather my things and walk to the door, her hand on my shoulder stops me, "__**You are worth it Helga, don't forget that.**__"_

Hey guys! Sorry for how long updates are taking. I got a concussion at work, in the process of closing on a house, and had a very sudden death in my immediate family. Please be patient with me, the story might feel a little dark the next few chapters. I really want to explore Helga's mental state and have her come to some sort of peace before she gets truly involved with Arnold. After all, Helga has a history of repressing emotions and lashing out. Please post some reviews so I know what you're feeling with this. Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, XOXO


	16. Chapter 15

Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews and kind words for my loss. I wanted to take a quick moment to fill you in because this writing is really therapeutic for me right now. My baby cousin passed away in her sleep on 6/23/15, 10 days before her first birthday. Lilieyann is sorely missed and I appreciate your patience with me. I am also dealing with a moderate concussion, I've had a headache for over a month now and some other complications so if something doesn't make sense or is too repetitive please tell me so I can fix it. I am proofreading but I don't have anyone helping me, my boyfriend isn't much help as lovely as he is. That being said if someone wants to come on as my editor/ sound board I would be so appreciative for good feedback. To top off my cake of excuses as to why my writing is sporadic, I am buying a house and close on it in 10 days, I took off over a week for moving so I'm hoping to use some time to bang out a few chapters and maybe get this thing on a consistent release schedule. Anyway…thank you again for being such wonderful and caring people, I appreciate it with all of my heart.

_It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and heart, but the pain is worse than ever. That's the worst part of cleaning a wound, when you finally get it numb and manageable the infection has to be taken care of and the pain is brought back with a vengeance. It's like a jealous ex-boyfriend, how dare you think you could get rid of it? Every day after school I go up to my room and poor metaphorical peroxide onto my heart and brain. I slip into thoughts of self-destruction before I can control myself. I've always been insecure, who wouldn't be with my upbringing. I was never smart enough, pretty enough, I was never enough in general. _

_The thoughts form venomous daggers that I plunge into myself over and over. If I hadn't been such a bully in school I wouldn't have been afraid to talk to the kids who knew me and would have protected me. If I had been smarter my parents would have noticed me and I wouldn't have been a bully. If I had been prettier they would have liked me enough to notice me. _

_I slide off my bed and crawl to the mirror for the third time this week. I stare at the girl looking back, she looks like she hasn't eaten or bathed in weeks. Her long blonde hair was matted to her head, slightly unbrushed and wild. Her skin was sallow, washed out and dry. Her eyes were red and were underlined by several rings, obviously she wasn't sleeping much. Her body, which was once strong and able, was puffy and sore. Bruises were fading to a sick yellow green and cuts had new pink puckered skin. I stare at her with intent interest, she's so broken and sad. Her hands move to her arms, rolling up her sleeves, and begin to drag her nails up and down her skin. My vision blurs as I watch her scratch her skin, my already bleeding heart sinks deeper into my stomach. She was once so strong and beautiful, a little insecure with some underlying issues but so much better than this._

_I hear his heavy footsteps ascend the stairs and rip the sleeves down to my wrists. I scramble from the floor to my bed knowing if he sees me in front of the mirror again he'll get worried, he's worried enough as it is. He approaches my door and knocks softly before opening it a crack._

"**Hey kiddo, you've been hiding off in this room for weeks now like some kind of vampire. I know how bad you're hurting but we need you. Ollie misses his playmate, Olga misses her best friend, and I miss my baby girl. I may not be able to fix this on my own but I promise Helga if you let us in we won't let you down. Please, let us in.**_" He opens the door more and looks at me sadly. I've been trying not to worry them but I know I can't shield everyone from my harm. I pull my legs up to my chest and feel a sad smile pull on my cheeks, he shakes his head and walks over to my bed sitting next to me. "_**Helga, please, at least call a friend over or go out with someone, seeing you locked in here is scaring all of us.**_"_

"**I don't want to bother anyone Dad. Everyone spends all day at school with me, they have lives.**_" I fiddle with my pillow and keep my eyes cast down._

"**Hun, I can promise you're not a bother to anyone. Phoebe's been calling Olga since you won't look at your cell phone anymore, she's worried about you. All you do is go to school, go to therapy, go to dance, do your homework, and go to bed. You can't let this steal your vibrancy. Your mother would kill me five times over for letting you get so far off track.**_" His hands run through his hair and I reach out touch his knee._

"**Look if it means that much to you I'll see if Arnold wants to work on the last bits of our project, okay?**_" He looks up and nods his head, tears welled into his eyes. I feel the weight of his unhappiness on my body and reach for my cell phone, hoping to appease him. _

My phone vibrates violently, scaring the hell out of me. I've been laying in my room listening to the Ramones for the last few hours, Gerald took Phoebe to the aquarium to see an exhibit on sea turtles, so I've been on my own. I grab my phone from the desk and check to see who'd bother texting me. Everyone normally just comes over at this point.

_Hey Football Head, my dad's worried about me spending all day in my room. Mind if I come over to go over the project? It's due in three weeks and I haven't touched it since I submitted the journals to you. _

My heart immediately starts pumping a little bit harder, we haven't hung out since the day after the hospital. I shake my head and text her to come by whenever she wants. The project does need some attention. Helga wrote a few letters from a Governor's daughter to her journal in regards to her daily life. Helga was able to hit all aspects of colonial life in the Caribbean and southern shores. She also added an underlying romance between the daughter and a notoriously wanted pirate. The tenderness she writes about him though is my favorite part. I've been busy converting all of her entries into drawings. When she gets here I'll show her what I have and scan them onto the computer. We can record her voice overs and get this finished within two weeks.

I've been avoiding thinking about her when I'm alone, it hurts remembering how hurt she was. Helga can act as tough as she wants but I know what I saw, what I felt. I'll never be able to unsee that scared and tiny girl in the hospital. My mind wanders through my years of knowing Helga and before I know it I hear a soft knock at my door.

"**Come in!**" I hear her soft steps right before I am greeted by the smell of vanilla perfume. Has she always smelt so beautiful? I push off the bed and turn to greet her. The words catch in my throat as soon as I see her though, she looks so much more broken than she has in school.

"**Hey football head, thanks for letting me come by, Dad was getting ready to have an aneurism with me being home so much.**" Her words are harsh but a small, sad, smile crosses her lips. She really does love Bob, even after everything that's happened between them. Her faces scrunches up watching me intently. "**Look bucko, you may have seen me at a bad moment but I'm not broken so stop looking at me like I'm going to break down. If you don't I might have to bring out Ol' Betsy and the five avengers.**"

_Dear God, did I really just mention my old names for my fists? Before I can dwell too long though he cracks a smile and chuckles shaking his head. His hair moves so gently that my heart begins to hurt. I flop between anger for being looked at like a weakling and pain for being treated so sweetly by the last person who owes me anything. _

Same old Helga, always a fighter, never a victim.

"**I'm sorry Helga, you're right, but you know, you look like hell.**" I should be nicer but I don't want to offend her any more than I already have.

"_**Listen here, how the hell do you expect me to look? I'm not some little Barbie doll, bucko. I'm Helga G. Pataki.**__" _I shake my head again.

"**Look, Helga, I'm here if you want to talk. You don't have to handle everything on your own.**" She snarls slightly, a look I am all too familiar with.

"_**Arnold, seriously? I came over here to work on a project that I have been forced to do with you. Not to be psychoanalyzed by your big football head. We're classmates, not friends. I came here that night because I didn't have anywhere else to go and you have spare bedrooms, not because I needed your bony shoulder to lean on. I am, was not, and never will be some sniveling little victim who runs into a BOYS arms when the going gets tough.**__" My teeth set and my hands shake. I know what he's trying to do and I see that look in his eyes. He sees me as a weak little girl, as a victim as circumstances. He doesn't get that I asked for it, that it was fates way of punishing me for something I did, I've let him see my weak once, and it's not going to happen again. His eyes shoot down and he gets nervous. _

"**I'm sorry Helga, I didn't mean it like that. I just thought, after all of these years, that we were friends. I'm sorry to see I was wrong, let's just get to work.**"

_I nod my head as my missing heart aches for hurting him, he was just trying to be nice. I don't want to let him in though, I don't want to let anyone in. I nod my head and follow him over the computer desk. I sit in silence as he shows me the gorgeous photos he's created with my words. I am in awe at the detail he's managed to get from my scarps of writing. My breath catches in my throat as he explains each scene and where it fits in, not that they need explanation their so good. He explains that he thinks I should voice everything over that way we can relax while the presentation plays. I nod my head, it's only seven days' worth on entrees, and I can do that. When he finishes explaining we lull into silence. _

I could kick myself for how stupid I am. Helga has never, in all of her life, allowed herself to be looked at as weak and here I am sitting waiting for her to snap. What should have been a therapeutic day for her is not awkward silence and painful memories. I want to say something, anything to make this go away and go back to helping her heal. Her voice, soft and subdued breaks through my thoughts.

"_**Do you want to get started scanning and I'll begin recording on my laptop, I brought it for once.**__" _I nod and grab my scanner, getting started. She crosses the room and pulls her laptop out of her bag which is, like normal, tossed to the side of the door. She walks back to the couch and begins to read her works aloud. My job is thankfully mindless so I focus on listening to her voice. She is so lyrical when she speaks from her heart.

We spend the next two hours like that, working. If I thought what she wrote was impressive before I was blown away hearing her read it. Her emotions flitted through and sentences came alive and filled me with wonder. When we finished she looked so drained, expressing so much aloud when she was so reserved must have taken a lot out of her. I get up from my seat and sit down next to her on the couch. I throw my arm over her shoulder as casually as I could muster and felt her sink against me.

_I snuggle into his side emotionlessly, I poured everything I had left into those stupid journal entries. I should be pulling away, I know this is just going to hurt me tonight but right now it feels so good and I don't care. My eyes slowly shut and I'm about to fall asleep when my stomach begins to growl. I hear him chuckle and reach for his phone. I turn up to face him and he just kind of smiles at me._

"**I'm ordering a pizza, we're so close to finishing this project we deserve to celebrate.**" _I nod my head and shut my eyes again as I hear him on the phone with the parlor. He orders us a large meatball pizza, garlic knots, and a cookie pizza. I can't help but laugh. _

"**What's so funny you?**" _He chuckles and rubs my arm._

"_**Nothing! It's just…that's a lot of food.**__" The laughter bubbles up, it's really not that funny but I'm so tired and emotionally drained. _

"**If I remember correctly, you aren't shy about eating until your full and your stomach is growling. I wanted to be sure you could eat however much you want.**" Her laugh was edging hysterical but I couldn't stop laughing as well, the noise she made was like a beautiful bell, a siren song ringing out and pulling me in. The harder I laugh, the harder she laughs, until we're both in tears and rolling off the couch. I slid to the ground first and she toppled shortly after. Before either of us could really process what was happening I laid my hand on her neck and she held her hands on my chest. I stared into her eyes and saw this twisted and beautiful soul and pulled her closer and closer to me. She closed the distance before I could think and pressed her lips to mine.


	17. Chapter 16

_My head is spinning round and round like that stupid teacup ride at the boardwalk. I feel the heat rolling off of him and me, combining in the miniscule space between our bodies. His lips move hungrily against mine, his hand cupping my face so gently it barely registers to me. I shudder violently as his lips suck my lower into his mouth gently scraping his teeth against the delicate skin. His hand slides down my side and rest on the curve of my hip, my nails dig into his chest through his flannel. His smell assaults my nostrils in the most sensual of ways, he smells rough. Faint hints of oil and gas are covered with a woodsy musk. _

Dear god, she smells heavenly. Her skin is pure vanilla, her hair coconut, overall a comfortable island getaway. My skin burns where her fingers slide like she's lighting me on fire and I don't care enough to put it out. I'm overwhelmed by the feeling of her kissing me though, my mind can't focus on anything but the feeling of her on top of me. Her lips are the softest I've ever felt, beyond anything I could ever imagine. My heart is beating so fast I swear she can hear it and must be the reason she's scratching her nails over it. I squeeze the side of her neck suddenly as she slides her tongue over my lips.

_I'm kissing Arnold and for the first time its consensual. That thought alone is driving my heart into over-time. His hands are sliding up my side and now down my arm. I almost don't feel it until his fingers run under my sleeve and onto my scratches. He can't know about those, their still scabbing over. I bolt up and grab my wrist pulling away from him as quickly as I can. I'm breathless, he is to, and he's confused. I'm so stupid I can't believe I kissed him. He opens his mouth to say something but is stopped by his dad walking into the room._

"**Hey kids, your food just got here. I paid for it, you guys have been working hard all day. Uhm, is everything ok in here?"**

_Were still sitting on the ground, Arnold's laying there supported by his elbows. I look at him, desperate for an excuse, something to make his father leave._

"**Yea! No, Helga was helping me with a knot in my calf from work. We figured the floor would be the easiest surface to work on.**" Dad shoots me that knowing look before setting the food on my bed and leaving the room. Helga is almost in tears, still clutching her wrists. I didn't mean to touch them, I wanted to pull her sleeves up, give her more ease to touch me. I reach out to her while sitting up and she scoots back looking like terrified.

"**Helga, I'm sorry if this is about the kiss. I shouldn't have done that I just wasn't thinking.**"

_I pull myself out of his reach as a tear escapes my closed eyes. He thinks he shouldn't have kissed me, he thinks I'm a mistake. I know I'm a mistake but to hear him say that… I shouldn't have leaned into him, I should have pulled back and left. I should have never left my room. I squeeze my eyes tighter and take in a deep breath. I feel his hands on my arm very attentively._

"**Helga, come on. Talk to me, I'm here for you." **_I draw in another deep breath and shake my head. He's always been so good to me, so good to everyone. I don't deserve it, I've never deserved kindness. "_**Helga, you're shaking like a leaf, you don't have to do this alone. I don't know what you're going through but I know I care about you. Maybe this is too much too soon, I know my timing is absolutely horrible, but Helga, since you came home I can't stop thinking about you. It's not your looks, you're gorgeous but you're so much more too. You're wickedly smart, talented, and you have the deepest soul I have ever seen. Ever since you were a little girl you've been the bravest and strongest person I ever met. The moment I saw you in class on the first day my world started turning again. I..."**

"_**Arnold, stop. Please, just stop. I'm not any of those things. You have no idea who I am.**_"

I take her arm again and pick her up off the ground, sitting her on the bed and pulling the food over.

"**Fine Helga, if that's what you chose to believe I'll let you. Let's just eat and hang out until you want to go home. Is that ok? **She nods her head and wipes her face with her sleeve. I know how wrong she is but I can't argue her when she's so set in her thinking. We sink into a strained silence, eating, occasionally passing comments on the food. I flip on the TV and throw on Netflix, we settle on a bad horror movie.

_The movie is so awful it's funny. Arnold and I haven't spoken much since my little outburst but the silence isn't as strained as it was before. I ate more than I have in weeks sitting with him. His constant comments on the movie, which would normally bore me, keep me laughing softly. One movie melts into three and before I know its 11pm. In face the only reason I know is a text from Dad asking when I'll be home. _

"_**I should get going Arnoldo. It's getting late and Phoebe and I are hanging out tomorrow. Thanks for letting me come over though, this was nice.**__"_

"**Let me drive you home at least, like you said it's late and I don't want you walking home in the dark. And you're welcome to come by whenever you want. I work at the mechanics on 18****th**** after school, you're welcome to come by and hang out whenever. Mikey doesn't care much as long as I get my work done."**

She smiles softly and waits for me to get up and grab my keys. We walk to the car in silence passing the borders as we go. The older tenants smile at me knowingly recognizing Helga from our time as children. Somehow they saw what I couldn't, weird. We walk past Mom and Dad in the kitchen before running out to the car. We ride in silence, it's not so much strained as just heavy. I don't know why she's so insecure, a few weeks ago she was spilling confidence like a glass of champagne. I mean I understand she's been through a lot but can that really stop her from seeing everything she is? I peak a glance at her at a stop light. She's playing with her nails, her eyes downcast. A piece of hair is falling into her face while the rest is tucked behind her ear. Her lips pucker out slightly, she's thinking about something complicated. Her lips felt so amazing. Just thinking about kissing her gives my body faint tingles of electricity down my spine. I pull up to her house much too quickly. She shoots me another small smile as a goodbye and gets out of the car, skipping into her house. I wait until she shuts the door to pull away. I need to talk to Gerald, I need some advice.

_I toss and turn all night, my mind and dreams drift back to the kiss. Why did I kiss him? He was leaning in but I'm the one who closed the distance. What drove me to think that was a good idea? `He can say I'm beautiful and smart but what does he know? He barely knows me. I barely know me. I hear Ollie squeal and bound down stairs. Phoebe must be here. _

"**Wow Oliver that is an incredible drawing. I enjoy the freeform lines and abstract concept.**" _I chuckle and scoop him up from behind. His laugh tinkles in my ears. _

"_**Phoebs he's two. We both know there is no concept outside of pretty colors and crazy scribbles. Don't let him get a big head!**__"_

"**Not letting, Helga.**_" We both laugh, it's been years since she's grated my requests like that. Oliver wrestles out of my arms and down the hall as Phoebe and I catch up from the past few days. Every day at school she walks me to class and fills my silence with mindless chatter. I grab my bag and we begin walking to the dinner, who can resist pancakes on a Saturday morning? _

"_**Phoebe, I need some advice, I'm in a terrible spot.**__" I exhale the breath I didn't realize I was holding. She looks at me, worry crossing her entire body. "__**I made a mistake last night, I…I kissed Arnold.**__" I outwardly cringed. I wait, expecting her to berate me for rushing into something when I'm at my lowest. I may not have spoken at length at how deeply screwed up I am but she's known me since I was a baby, she knows me. I can't take the silence anymore and I turn and look at her, my mouth drops open. She's smiling! I stop dead. "__**Phoebe! Did you not hear me? I kissed Arnold! I messed up so deeply and let my emotions control my body. I'm a monster, and to top it off he said he regretted kissing me.**__" The smile still rises in the corner of her lips. _

"**Helga, don't call yourself a monster. You're not a monster for seeking comfort from someone who all your life has offered a safe haven for you. I must admit, it might be a bit rash to get involved with someone while you are still facing a court proceeding but you do deserve happiness, did kissing him make you happy?**_" _

"_**Phoebe it's not about my happiness! I'm so screwed up in the head, I don't deserve happiness.**__" She shakes her head, I already know the speech I'm going to receive. "__**Before you start lecturing me on how I deserve happiness, hear me out. Every time I come close to happiness something happens to take it away from me. I finally confess my feelings to Arnold as a kid, I retract them and move away. I get happy and confident in my new home, my parents appreciate me, and my sister has the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, my mom dies and we move back here. I get a boyfriend who I care about and he..he…**__" My eyes burn and I feel a tear slip out while my throat gets thick as buttercream icing. She reaches out for my hand and I let her take it. I want to pull away so badly but I can't. _

"**Helga, you weren't happy with him. You were blank with him, a blank and empty puppet. And I am so tired that you keep doing that. What happened to you is absolutely appalling but you can't dilute yourself into believing you deserved it. You've had a lot of rough experiences, but that doesn't mean you deserved them. I believe there's a rational reason for everything but maybe fate is just strengthening you. Maybe you have a role in the world no one can see but you're being strengthened for so you can carry it out.**_" Her anger is tangible, I had forgotten how scary her anger can be. She's wrong but I don't feel like fighting, it's been too long since I've had time with her. _

"_**Fine Phoebe, whatever you say. I'm destined to be some big savior for the people. That doesn't change the fact Arnold regretted the kiss or the fact I'm too screwed up to be making these kinds of moves.**__" This time instead of yelling she smiles sadly and shakes her head. _

"**I won't disagree that you are perhaps moving a little quickly but that is simply because emotionally you've barely begun to heal from a great trauma. But, I think you may have misunderstood what Arnold meant. I know he was the love of your childhood but he's my boyfriend's best friend, and my childhood friend, I know him fairly well. He cares about you, deeply, deeper than her cared about his ex's. He might have been concerned that it would be too much too soon.**_" _

"_**I don't know Phoebe. All I know is kissing him felt so perfect, better than Romeo kissing Juliet. At the same time all I could think about was how wrong it was to be kissing him when there's a rape case going on involving me. It looks so terrible." **_

_We walk in silence the rest of the way to the dinner. She held my hand the whole walk but her mind was somewhere else. _

"**Look man, you're going to have to explain this again. So you kissed her?**"

"**No, she kissed me. I was going to kiss her but she closed the distance before I could.**" I run my hands through my hair again. Gerald has been listening to me vent for hours now. This is the most we've talked in months. He chuckles again muttering about me being bold but I can't focus on him. All I can focus on is her walking into the very dinner I'm sitting in. My eyes lock on her before I could stop myself. She looks heart breakingly beautiful and painfully confused. Gerald turns to see who I'm staring at so openly and smiles brightly. He waves the girls over, giving Helga a big hug and Phoebe a gentle kiss. Helga and I exchange an awkward smile and sit next to each other tensely.

"**Well, well, well…looks like our little group is complete. Helga, let me tell you, my man has the absolute worst taste in women,**" Phoebe jams him in the ribs as my mouth falls open. Helga chuckles shocking both of us and asks him to continue, "**This kid has been bold since day one but when you left his taste in women went downhill quickly.**"

"**Hey, it's not that bad!**"

"**Arnold, there were some questionable choices. Such as Patti.**"

"_**Patty? Like big Patty? Arnold their kidding me right?**_" I see her shudder.

"**No! Not big Patty, who has been with Harold for two years and is actually very kind. Patti, with an I, is the head cheerleader. You might know her as Patricia, she refuses to be called Patti anymore.**" This shudder was much harder.

"_**Really Football head, really? Dear god is your type any easier to pick? Make them dumb as a post, throw in a pretty face and ear grating voice and you'll have Arnoldo's dream girl.**_"

"**Didn't he kiss you last night?**" We all shoot dagger eyes to Gerald, I open my mouth to scold him but Helga cuts me off.

"**Can it hair boy, that kiss was an emotional snafu and 100% none of your business. Let's finish talking about Arnold's old predictable flames.**"

"**There's not much to tell…**"

"**I'll bet, Mr. Goody Toe Shoes probably never had a first kiss.**"

"**Fine, you win Helga. My first girlfriend was Lila in freshman year, keep the comments to yourself. We kissed, thank you very much, but that was about it. We dated for six months and nothing ever really happened. We split amicably.**"

"**That was the most boring relationship I have ever seen. Double dates were mind numbing.** **It was exhilarating for them to break up.** **Granted the Ruth fling was just as bad.**"

"_**Ruth?!**_" Helga's knuckles were white, I have to remember to kill Gerald later.

"**We didn't date! We just fooled around a few times.**" She gave me a death glare that spoke volumes. Before she could ask I cut her off, "**Yes, I slept with her and she was my first but honestly it wasn't anything special. I regret that.**"

"_**Before I punch someone, tell me about the next one.**_" I nod once and continue.

"**After her, I ended up in a few flings. Slept with a couple girls I wish I could block out. It wasn't a pretty time in my life.**"

"**We warned Arnold many times of the dangers of unprotected sex. I seem to remember similar conversations with you Helga.**" Now is my turn to look with astonishment, Helga is a cherry red.

"_**Phoebe! We're talking about Arnold's love life not mine.**_"

"**There's not much left to tell. I dated Patti for two years. She was popular and vindictive. She used her body to keep me around long after I should have left. She broke up with me when I caught her cheating with Iggy. Yes, that Iggy. He felt horrible but I knew how persuasive she could be I don't hold it against him.**"

"_**Criminy, you're the absolute only man I know**__**who would forgive the guy who plowed his girlfriend. You're impossible. I would have beat him to a pulp!**_"

"**Ah, the anger issues we all know and love. Now that you know about him, tell us all about your adventures in Arizona.**"

_Am I really ready to admit that to him?_


	18. Chapter 17

_I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the judgment and criticism I'm going to receive. _

"_**Can't I hear the story of your parents coming home instead?**__" I hope he agrees._

"**Sorry Helga, I've embarrassed myself, now it's your turn.**_" He smiles at me, mischief glinting in his eyes. I take another breath attempting to steady my nerves. _

"_**There really isn't much to tell. My first boyfriend was in freshman year like you Arnoldo. Tommy was a big a dick as they come. We were dating for a month before he bullied me into sex. It was my 'duty' as his girlfriend to fulfill his needs. All sorts of mind games and bull crap. I broke up with him shortly after. I haven't really had a boyfriend since. I've hooked up a lot, it's easier to get what you want when someone is putty in your hands. No one serious in my life though, I guess you can say I've lucked out. Relationships seem to be a lot more trouble than they're worth. No offense guys.**__" I raise my hands to Gerald and Phoebe, "__**I'm not sure how you guys have survived this long.**__" They flash me a sheepish smile and look at each other thoughtfully. _

"**Helga, what do you mean about your ex bullying you into sex? You know that's rape too…**_" I nod my head cutting him off before he can continue, my chest is already tight._

"_**I mean exactly that. We were dating for a month, he was my first boyfriend and at first he was really sweet and kind. We'd go on dates and watch movies at his house. After about a month he started getting pushy about having sex. I wasn't ready though, I may have been a flirt but I had this romantic notion about my first time. On our one month we were in his room, home alone like normal. We were making out and he started getting a little forceful. I pushed him back and told him no but he pressed his hand against my throat. It wasn't enough to choke me, just enough to make it impossible to talk. He ripped my clothes off, telling me the whole time I was his girlfriend, it was my job to do this, if I wanted to be with him this is what I had to do. I'll let you imagine the rest.**__" My eyes had cast down halfway through the story. I feel heat on my cheeks and tears burn in my eyes. I go to wipe my eyes but feel a soft cloth rubbing my cheeks. Arnold was using his sleeve to blot away my tears. I flash him the best smile I can muster, it's pretty pathetic. He takes my hand in his when he notices my fingers picking at my sweatshirt. The sleeves had pulled up exposing angry red scratches and sickly scars. I feel his gaze on them and try to struggle away his grip is an iron vice. _

"**Helga, can I walk you home after we eat?**_" I nod my head and get my hand away from him and tug down my sleeves. We spend the rest of our meal making small talk and listening to Phoebe and Gerald banter. They have kind of this relationship that's hard not to hate. It's perfect in every sense of the word. By the end of the meal I'm incredibly jealous. _

I pay for Helga's meal, much to her disliking. It makes sense though, I have a job and she doesn't. We leave the diner and I take her hand again, she doesn't like it but I need to make sure she doesn't run off before I can talk to her. We say goodbye to Phoebe and Gerald and walk the other way down the street. She's tense, I can tell I'm pushing her somewhere she doesn't want to go but the scars on her arms are too unnerving to ignore. We walk in silence for a few minutes, my fingers swirling patterns onto her hand.

"**So Helga, you know what I saw so do you want to tell me about it?**" She shrugs her shoulders looking ahead without missing a beat. She's been doing this for a long time. "**Look if you don't tell me about it, I'll have to pay Dr. Bliss a visit.**"

"_**Don't you think she knows, Football head? We're working on it**_**.**" She's tense, the anger rolling off of her in waves. "_**Not that it's any of your business, it's not a conscious decision, it's a reaction to stress. I started when I moved, I scratch my arms. I can be stressed, upset, any kind of negative emotion causes me to need release in a physical form**_**." **I nod my head thoughtfully.

"**What do you mean it's not conscious though? Don't you feel it?**"

"_**Not until it's too late. I'll normally be so deep in my thoughts that until blood is caking up my nails I don't notice it.**_" I pause on the street, causing her to stop as well. I look into her eyes and again see the pain that keeps me up at night. She bites at her lip and looks away. She's so excruciatingly beautiful. I reach my other hand out and touch her sleeves, she closes her eyes and breathes deeply not stopping me. I pull up the hem slowly exposing her arms. I turn her hand so her palm is facing up and take in long red marks marring her ivory skin. Some are old and faded others still not scabbed completely. I take her other hand and repeat the process. I run my fingers as softly as I can up her arms feeling the bumps and groves in her skin. Her breathing hitches ever so slightly as I memorize the lines on her arms. I look to her face and see her eyes locked onto my fingers, waiting for something. I bring her left wrist to my lips and kiss it as softly as I had let my fingers drift. My eyes search her face for some kind of reaction, she is forcing a blankness that gives me chills. I repeat the process on her right and see the cracks in her façade. Tears are streaming silently through clenched eyes, her breathing raggedly clinging to some sense of normalcy.

"**You're still beautiful Helga, nothing can change that.**"

_His hair is waving softly in the cooling breeze, golden as a midmorning sun. His lips are just leaving my skin, an electric shock running along my arms and straight into my heart. His scent is blowing straight into my face, his spicy aroma seeping into my senses, clouding them further. I feel his fingers bringing the sweatshirt back over my scars. I want to pull away so badly, to stop allowing this exposure, but I can't. Whenever his gaze locks on me it's like I'm frozen in place, unable to move, unable to react. _

"_**Look, Arnold, I'm fine. I've been dealing with this for a long time. I appreciate your concern and acceptance but I'll get through this. I always do.**__"_

"**I know you can Helga, I'm not worried about that. Just because you can do it alone doesn't mean you should have to. I just want to be here for you, same way I've always been.**_" _

_His words soothe the cuts in my soul the same way his kiss soothed the cuts on my wrists. I take his hand for the first time and begin to lead the way to my house. _

"_**So, since you're so admit about being here for me….I have court on Thursday. I've had a bunch of pretrial meetings already where they've basically ripped me apart, chewed me up, and spit me out. Chad plead not guilty, obviously, and now he faces trial. I've had to tell the story at least six hundred times, every time the exact same way. They've tried poking holes in it too, asking if I purposely drank the crap he put in my drink. If you're serious about supporting me, I'd need it there.**__" _

"**Of course I'll be there. Is there any other way I can help with the case though? I brought you to the hospital and everything…"**

_I tilt my head trying to remember a conversation with my lawyer. He did tell me if I could find some character witnesses it would 'strengthen my case' as if my case needs strengthening. I have photos, DNA, medical records, and proof I was drugged. I can't let Arnold do that though, it's not his problem. _

"**Helga, I see you thinking, your face is scrunching up. What is it?**_" _

"_**Nothing, it's nothing,**__" I shrug and turn my head. He catches my cheek in his hand and turns it back to his, his callouses rubbing along my skin. A flash of light momentarily blinds us before he captures my full attention. I stare into his eyes, lost in a jungle of green. "__**My lawyer said something about character witnesses, people who can attest that it would be out of my nature to take drugs and have sex in the back of a car. I've been gone for so long though, I don't think anyone knows me well enough to do that.**__"_

"**I'll do it. You may have been gone but I think I still know you pretty well. Plus, I know for a fact you'd never touch a drug intentionally,**_" I shake my head attempting to stop him, "_**I made my decision, if it'll help you get through this I'm doing it.**_" _

_I give in, he can see it in my eyes. His smile warms my heart, my stomach feels like it was filled with butterflies. Another flash captures my attention to the left of us. I look past him and see a figure rushing away from us in a long black coat. _

"_**Arnold, did you see that?**__" He looks around trying to find the source of my distress, "__**The person took off, I think they were taking photos of us.**__" He smiles at me again, amusement in his eyes._

"**I'm sure it was just a coincidence. Why would anyone want photos of two high schoolers talking on the street at night?**_" Now is my turn to be amused._

"_**I don't know Arnoldo, who would want some photos of young, attractive kids talking on a corner at night, his hand on her face? There's no creeps and weridos who enjoy that.**__" He shakes his head laughing at me. He takes my hand and we continue on our way home. _

I take a deep breath as I walk through the doors of the courtroom, Helga is already seated at the front of the courtroom with Bob and Olga. Chad is seated next to a sleazy looking lawyer who's cracking jokes with the stenographer. I walk up the isle and seat myself next to Olga. We exchange sad smiles and she squeezes my hand. I peak around the room, besides me, Phoebe, Gerald, Rhonda, and the rest of our fourth grade class is seated here. Harold is here, seated with the rest of the football team, he's in support of Helga but has to stand as a unit with his team. The judge enters the room as we all stand. She ushers us to sit and the trial begins.

_Thank God I cut off my nails last night, my skin would be in ribbons if I had them. The trial is ticking by slowly, much slower than I ever thought time could go. I float above the scene watching the court play out. Lawyers argue of the validity of my rape. The prosecution argues that I am a victim, the defense that I agreed to the sex and the drugs and that I'm taking it back and crying rape because I regret it. The defense calls me to the stand and I recount my story for the hundredth time. The prosecution asks me questions, so many of the same but phrased in different ways. They try to defame me, confuse me, and make me look like a whore. They bring up my sexual history, my ex-boyfriend. They ask about my mom, if her substance abuse has pushed me into experimenting with drugs. They comment on my clothing taste, my music taste, even the kinds of food I eat. _

"**Miss Pataki, you claim to be a victim of my client but from what we have seen you've wasted no time in forming a new relationship. Would a victim of a heinous crime be involved with a new lover so shortly after her attack?**"

_My throat begins to close and I dig my fingers into my palm, what is he getting at?_

"**Your Honor, I'd like to submit to the jury photos of the accuser in embrace with another of the defenses character witnesses.**_" The world starts to swim and I try to regain control of my breath. I hear the bang of the gravel and the defense lawyer talking to me as he leads me out of the court room. I see Dad in the lobby pacing and yelling, Olga crying, and Arnold standing in a blind rage. The photos were of us the other night, when I saw the flashes of light to my left. Chad's family hired a private detective to follow me and find something to destroy my credibility. My head is spinning as I sit next to Olga, she throws her arms around me blubbering about how unfair the situation is._

_We are called back into the court room long before I'm ready. I resume my seat at the stand and we pick up where we left off._

"**Miss Pataki, can you explain the photos?**_" I sigh and shift to a comfortable position, this is going to be a long one._

"_**Your Honor, can I address the jury directly on this one?**__" She nods her head, allowing me to continue, "__**I know how those photos can look to someone who doesn't know the whole story, I'm not as dense as the defense would like you to believe. The young man in the photos is one of my best friends. When I woke up after…the incident…I went to his house because I had nowhere else to go, no one to turn too. Arnold Shortman has known me since I was three years old. My childhood, as discussed, was not always a happy one. I lived in the shadow of a seemingly perfect sister, my father was a verbally abusive work monger, and my mother an alcoholic who forgot my existence. Arnold was the love of my young life even when I bullied him without relent. Any of the people from my old classes can attest that I was a piece of work. Arnold was always kind and caring, I went out of my way many times to secretly help him. When we saved the neighborhood from being turned into a mall I confessed my true feelings to him and then moved with my family across the country. We lost contact until I came back, I wanted to move on from him. My first day he reached out to me and tried to be friends and for weeks I ignored him and took up a relationship with the defendant. Like I said, that night I went to his house. He took care of me, brought me to the hospital, and stayed with me through the hardest night of my life. Over time we did become closer, when I didn't want to bother my other friends I'd go to his home and we'd watch movies and he'd let me vent. I will admit, the first night I went over we kissed in a mixture of pain and confusion. Arnold was soothing me and I kissed him, acting on childish fantasies and a desire to feel something beyond the mind numbing pain I had been consumed by. Immediately after, I pulled away and he accepted I wasn't ready. The next day my best friend and I ran into Arnold and her boyfriend at the diner. We all sat and ate, catching up on years gone by, and Arnold noticed that I had some marks on my arms. **_

_**Since I had moved to Arizona I had developed the habit of scratching myself unconsciously in stressful situations." **__I pulled my sleeves up exposing my arms to the jury. I could see the pain in my family's faces, for the briefest of moments I forgot they didn't know. "__**Arnold noticed while we were eating. He asked to walk me home, that's when these photos were taken. We talked about my arms and he asked if there was a way he can help today, which is why he's sitting here waiting to testify that I'm not the kind of person I'm being accused of.**_

_**We share history, absolutely. I could give hundreds of examples of the times we helped one another out. Arnold is an amazing guy but I'm not dating him. I'm too damaged to date anyone and I'm truly scared I will never be able to trust anyone again.**__" The court room is dead silent, not even the stenographer is making noise. I finally feel the tears on my face and see almost everyone else in the room is crying as well. The prosecution let me off the stand and I return to my seat. Olga wraps her arms around me, stopping me from falling apart. My dad to my hand and wipes the tears from his eyes. The jury watches our sad little affair while the prosecution decides who to call next. _

"**Your honor, we'd like to call Arnold Phillip Shortman to the stand.**" I take a deep breath and walk to the box. I am so ready to deal with this head on, I'm not going to hold anything back.


	19. Chapter 18

I take the stand my anger giving way to very faint tremors of nervousness. I get sworn in and sit next to the judge. They ask me to state my name and other basic information for the stenographer. I keep my temper even, breathing deeply, and looking at her often.

"**Mr. Shortman, can you tell the court, in your own words, your relationship with Miss Pataki?**"

"**Of course, Helga and I have known each other since we were three. The day we met it was the first day of preschool. Helga was walking to school alone in the rain, I offered to share my umbrella. During snack time I gave her my crackers when another student took hers. From that day on she was my bully, as odd as it is to say. Helga tormented everyone, but I was her favorite target. She was very rough around the edges, I had more spitballs lobbed at me than I care to remember. Every day through fourth grade she bullied us. There were times we saw a different side of her, the real Helga, that was compassionate, loyal, and kind, but most often she was pushing us around and calling us names. To this day, if I poke the right buttons, she'll call me Football head. Helga was only so mean because she was neglected at home, something I saw firsthand on several occasions. Mr. Pataki was often cruel, holding her to impossible standards and forgetting her name. Mrs. Pataki was an alcoholic who spent more time blending smoothies than speaking to her daughter. Olga, her sister, is everything Helga strived to be. Although she loved her sister dearly she often felt inferior. There were times you could see how much her family did care, Thanksgiving of fourth grade we both skipped dinner with our families to walk around the city and lament on how unhappy we were. My parents were missing and I lived with my grandparents and the boarders in our boarding house, holidays were hard. Helga and I ran into each other, as we often did in a literal sense, and spent the afternoon walking, talking, and generally being kids. We walked home after a heart to heart and I saw Helga's family worried sick, they loved her in their own way. When the neighborhood was threatened with destruction Helga went behind her father's back to help myself and my best friend Gerald stop the construction of a mall that would have made her family richer than imaginable. She declared her love for me, something I always suspected, and kissed me. I realized how much I cared about her but before I could do anything about it her family was gone in the night. For a year we all wondered what happened to her but we did eventually move on. **

**When I first saw her once she came back I felt how she must have all those years ago. More than anything else I wanted to be a part of her life in any capacity. I tried pushing my way in but when Helga makes a decision she is firm in her stance. She started dating Chad, something I was against from the moment I saw them talking in history. Helga was my history project partner so we spent time together working. Every day I fell more in love with her. The night of the incident, I was laying home in bed avoiding thinking about her with him. Around midnight I hear the doorbell ring and my mother calling me down stairs, in the doorway is an angel dragged through hell. I brought her to my room to help her clean up, the image of her is burned into my head like a branding. I was helping her get ready for a relaxing bath when I checked my phone and found the pictures you were presented with earlier. I felt physically ill, like someone had beat me and left me on the corner. I brought her to the hospital with my mother, who is a nurse there. I sat with her through all of the exams and questions, she didn't want to be alone with strangers. I held her while she sobbed and lost the sanity that was left in her. The next day I spent with friends of ours figuring a way to protect her from gossip of school. I've spent every day since the incident helping Helga find herself again wither I be with her or helping indirectly. We did kiss and it was the best kiss of my life, but that doesn't diminish what happened to her. Just because someone is raped doesn't mean they are undeserving of love and affection and there is no time stamp on when she can feel again. My feelings toward her and however she feels about me should have no bearing on the decision made by the jury.**" I take a deep breath and release, looking around the room. I have everyone in awe.

The prosecution asks me more questions elaborating on my relationship with Helga and the type of person she is, easy things. After twenty minutes of questioning they are finished with me and it is the defenses turn to ask me questions. I look the sleaze ball in the eye, I won't allow him to intimidate me.

"**Mr. Shortman, you've explained your relationship with Miss Pataki. Can you elaborate on her relationship with her mother? You said she had substance abuse issues, those tend to run in the family.**" My hands clench as I hear Bob shouting. Olga and Helga calm him before the judge can interrupt.

"**Of course. Helga's mother struggled with alcoholism from the day I met her. There were good days where she would be clear and she and Helga would bond. They drove to her grandmother's together and had a fun time. When Mrs. Pataki took charge of the beeper business Helga and her bonded over homework and good lunches. If Helga went missing she'd be panicked. She loved Helga but was suffering from mental illness and addiction. Helga has told me when they moved her mother got sober with the support of her humbled father. When her sister came home pregnant the whole family bonded very closely. She developed liver cancer shortly after and passed away, causing Helga to move back to Hillwood. Helga had her mother torn away from her and saw the effects of addiction. Helga refuses Advil because she is afraid of becoming addicted. I know she wouldn't purposely take a date rape drug to have sex with someone.**"

"**Would you say Miss Pataki is open with her sexuality?**"

"**Objection!**" The prosecution shouts out. I look over with a thankful glace.

"**Over ruled, her sexuality could have an effect on the case.**"

"**Helga is very comfortable with herself and she has every right to be, she is absolutely gorgeous. That being said, Helga isn't the type to just give things away. If she wanted to have sex with someone it wouldn't be something she was ashamed of after. If there is one thing about Helga I know better than anything else it is her lack of shame in the decisions she makes. I mean, she fooled me on April Fools as children by pretending to be blind after I pulled a retaliation prank on her. Even after I found out her ploy she didn't apologize, when I pushed her in a pool she didn't apologize, she pulled me in with her. She stands by her decisions with unwavering confidence.**"

"**Well that is all well and good but you failed to answer the question, Mr. Shortman. Is she open with her sexuality?**"

I drop my head, "**Yes, I suppose you can word it that way.**"

"**No further questions Your Honor.**" I walk down from the stand and sit beside Olga once more. I watch and listen too many of my friends take the stand on Helga's behalf and just as many speak for Chad. I keep my anger as close to me as possible, her case can't afford an outburst. Both sides present everything fairly quickly, there's not much you can say when there is a ton of DNA. The jury is back in the room within twenty minutes.

"**We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of first degree rape.**"

_My whole world spins out as blackness envelops me. I hear my friends and family cheering, his friends and family yelling, and Arnold in my ear talking me back into consciousness. I'm still standing, his arms are wrapped around me and he's whispering in my ear how I'm free of this nightmare, I can finally begin to heal. Dad pulls me into his arms as soon as Arnold lets me go, his bone crushing hug knocking the wind out of me. I feel my friends patting my back and my sister sobbing in happiness. My throat is thick and I'm crying once again. _

"**The sentencing hearing will occur two weeks from today, until then the defendant will be placed into custody. Court dismissed.**"

_I leave the building lighter than I've ever felt before. I twirl my way around the people, my friends laughing at my joy, relieved for a verdict in our favor. My Dad catches my arm and pulls me aside. _

"**Honey, I want you to enjoy right now but remember this isn't over yet. There is still the sentencing hearing, I want you to keep a brave face.**" _I feel a slight heaviness in my chest but push it away as quickly as it rose. I have to enjoy every victory I get. _

"_**I know Dad, but right now I've won.**__" He smiles back at me and lets me go to join my friends. They are discussing how to go out and celebrate, Arnold takes my hand and we all walk, laughing and playing around. I loose myself in a conversation with Rhonda and completely ignore the person in front of me until her hand meets my face with a resounding slap. _

"**You stupid slut, are you happy now? You're so stupid, do you really think you've won because a bunch of idiots sided with your lies? You're a whore and a liar and I can't wait to watch this little game break apart around you.**_" She raises her hand to smack me again, my body tenses and my hands ball into fists, I lunge forward only to smack hard into another body._

"**Patti, who the hell do you think you are?**_" Arnold sneers at her, "_**don't you have someone to be under right about now? Or were you and Chad fooling around again?**" _Her face falls and she steps back. Harold takes a step away from our group, I hadn't expected him to celebrate with us._

"**Patricia, back off if you know what's good for you. I doubt your coach would be very happy to hear about you assaulting a teammate.**_"_

"**Piss off Harold, you're a freaking traitor. Chad was your brother and you're celebrating with these freaks? Besides, she hasn't shown up for practice in weeks, she's been off the team.**_"_

"**Patricia, you're a lot dumber than you look. Chad's always been a problem, we all know this isn't the first time he's pulled this crap. I'm sorry you diluted yourself into thinking you wanted it, if I remember correctly you called me crying that night asking me to boot him off the team. And these freaks? These are the people I grew up with who have seen me through hell and back and if you think I'd betray them you're sadly mistaken.**_" _

_She stalks off yelling to me that this isn't over. I pull Harold into the tightest hug I can muster, he laughs and spins me around. Once he sets me down he looks me in the eyes, "_**Don't worry about her Helga, she's full of hot air.**_" I smile and bury my face into his shoulder for a moment before stepping back and really looking at my friends, if I have the right to call them that. My entire fourth grade class came out to court to support me. _

"**I say we celebrate this victory with a party at my house tomorrow night!**_" Rhonda announces, phone already in hand and texting away, "_**Nadine be a dear and text Peapod to have his family cater something.**_" Before I can interject everyone is buzzing with excitement. I make a face to Phoebe who only shrugs and smiles._

I watch my best friend cross the distance between her and her former love and whisper something into his ear. He nods once nearly undetectably and takes her hand announcing to the group that he will drive her home and text everyone later for details on the celebration of the incarcerated. I smile to myself, I always knew they would end up with one another even if they won't make things official for a while. Gerald wraps his arm around my waist as he speaks with our peers.

"**I'm telling you guys, Patti is as evil as they come. We have to keep her away from Helga.**" Gerald announces.

"**Gerald's right, Helga's first day back she tried her games. Phoebe and I did our best to keep her away but Helga had to hold her own.**"

"**I think you are underestimating Helga, she can handle herself against anyone she comes up against. We love her but we are treating her like any victim and she is not. She has survived much more than a normal person should. I believe as long as we support her she will thrive.**" The group turns to me slightly surprised. I may not speak often but I am calculated when I decide to contribute to the conversation. They shift and murmur, slightly uncomfortable at the idea of leaving her to handle things on her own. "**This is Helga we are discussing. She was on the edge of sanity in grade school and all anyone knew of her was her bullying tendencies. Besides she's not alone, hasn't anyone noticed her and Arnold?**" I feel bad discussing her but I'd feel worse if everyone we knew kept acting like she was glass. She is my best friend after all.

"**You know I did notice how comfortably she took his hand when they left, I suppose my little marriage predictor was right all those years ago.**"

We all laugh at Rhonda's comment and say our goodbyes. Gerald leads me to his car and opens my door before getting behind the wheel.

"**So, they finally figured each other out, huh?**" A bemused smile crosses his lips, he had taken bets with his friends on how long it would take once everyone saw Helga again.

"**Not completely, but they are on the way to the kind of bliss, they do have excellent examples after all.**" I giggle as he lifts my hand to his lips, eyes shining, kissing my knuckles softly.

"**That they do, foxy mama, that they do.**"

We drive in relative silence home, the only sound coming from the nearly muted radio. Gerald follows me into my home, past my over excited mother who demands every detail from the day, and into my room. Once the door is shut he pulls me into his arms and presses his lips to my forehead, cheeks, and finally my lips. A familiar warmth fills my belly and spreads throughout my body. He is gentle with me, ever so cautious of crossing unspoken boundaries. He leads me to my bed and lays me on top of him, knowing if we were reversed I would be crushed by his mass. We continue to kiss softly and lovingly as his hands slide over my softly curved sides stopping short of my upper ribcage. He parts his lips from mine and breathes heavily into my ear. His fingers glide down me and slip under my shirt briefly before I get up and cross the room. He follows after me, apologetically kissing the nape of my neck. I really need to ask Helga about the mechanics if I am to ever give myself to him so completely.

_Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the kind words and reviews. I decided to try my hand at the thoughts of other characters, tell me what you think. Its super hard to transition my thought patterns so please be kind to me! I'm going to try and update every few days, I have several other projects in the works so again please be kind! _


	20. Chapter 19

_We sit in his room in our normal spots, eating take out Italian in sweats and watching crappy horror on Netflix. There's something so comforting in just laying here with him. I watch as he swirls his bread in leftover sauce, his eyes glued to the TV screen. These are the moments I come over for, anyone on the outside looking in would see a couple of kids in their prime, perhaps a couple or maybe just best friends. They'd see me smile and push him for chewing too loud, they'd see him push me back just hard enough for me to fall over, they'd see me throw a pillow at him and tackle him over on the bed, and from there they'd imagine what would happen next. The perfect illusion only lasts a few moments, I break soon after every time. This time it's from him grabbing my arm, the scabs rip open as I pull away from him._

_ "_**Helga, we talked about this. You promised it would stop.**_" I slide away from him, grabbing some tissues from the shelf and holding them to the open cuts. He takes the tissue from my hand and begins to gently blot the cuts. I sit back, breathing slowly and deliberately, trying to keep the roller coaster of my emotions from flipping once again. Today has been such a good day, I should be so happy and excited and instead I'm rotating between happiness and despair. Part of me wants to shut down completely, if I deserved happiness it would have come already, the other part wants to push past these feelings of pity. _

_ "_**_Arnold, I'm so sick of this, so sick of feeling so miserable and weak. I miss myself." _**

****She's shaking, all of her frustration is finally bubbling to the surface. The thing about Helga is she can talk about things, about her issues, and if she's not ready to fully confront it, it won't do anything. I pat at the cuts silently, waiting for her to continue.

"**_What the hell happened to me? I was so strong, so fucking strong as a kid. I had the arguably worse childhood known to man and nothing stopped me. Even when I first moved I was still strong, not nearly as abusive to others but strong. It was when I started dating these assholes I started doubting myself. It's like all those years of hearing how worthless I was rooted in my brain and I'm fucking sick of it. I want to be strong again._**"

I stop blotting her arms and stare into her eyes. The fire in her eyes is blazing in a way I haven't seen in years, the crystal blue like ice; hard and steely. My breathing catches in my throat, she is so beautiful when she's determined.

"**What are you going to do Helga?**"

"**_I don't know but god damn it I'm going to be strong again. Like hell if anything is going to stop me._**_" _The smile on my face is unavoidable even as she glares. The hardness and passion is all I've wanted to see for months. "**_I swear to god Arnold, if you don't wipe that stupid smirk off your face I will do it for you._**_" _I laugh this time, unable to stop myself.

_Part of my wants to beat him to a pulp for laughing when I'm trying so hard to reignite myself. The other part wants to dance in sheer bliss that I feel something besides self-pity. I punch him in the arm hard enough to cause him to rub it and move back to our spots. We sit silently for a few moments on opposite ends of the bed. My mind racing with a mixture of adrenaline and fear, how far gone is the girl I used to be? Can I even find her at this point? I feel myself slipping down into my thoughts as his arm reaches out and drapes over my shoulders, pulling me into his side as he strokes my hair. My heart skips as I sink into him, content that he, if no-one else, understands me. _

"**Helga, can you do me a favor?**" _His fingers weave patterns on my shoulder, I must have fallen asleep if the credits on the screen are any indication. I look up at him, my head nestled on his lap like a small child, and nod. "_**Never loose that fire again, seeing you so broken has been the scariest thing of my life. I know it was nothing compared to how you felt but, I don't ever want to loose you again.**" _His eyes remain locked on the screen the entire time, his fingers trembled slightly as he finished. I muster the best smile I can and nod my head from him, knowing I cant truly promise that but lord knows I would try. _

She's so beautiful when she's angry, hell who am I kidding she's always beautiful but when she's angry I see a new kind of beauty that's only ever existed in old great writings and songs. Right now her anger is directed at a fictional character in a book I gave her but that doesn't matter. Her eyes are still blazing, lip jutted out just so, brows knitted together, body coiled like a lioness ready to pounce. As soon as she told me she wanted to be herself again my mind started racing with ways to do that. I suggested she try doing things she used to love doing without worrying about others reactions to it. She was hesitant at first but caved when I offered to let her read anything from my collection. For as far back as I could remember she was eloquent in the quiet moments between. She could be a brute, don't get me wrong, but there were moments every now and then where you could hear just how poetic she was. I don't know if she was ever big on reading back then but from the is devouring my books I'd like to think so. We talk between chapters about her back then, back when she was my own personal hell of earth. She was a living breathing contradiction, a fighter dressed in a pink dress. She could out punch anyone I knew but sprouted poetry so beautiful it should be written in books. She is still a conundrum, more beautiful than an angel but never angelic.

I grab my camera from a shelf above my bed, focusing the lens on her as she mutters obscenities at the worn pages in her lap. My heart pounds as my fingers adjust the aperture and focus before setting off the flash, the picture barely coming out as her body flies toward me.

"**_What the hell do you think your doing football head_**_?!" _She lunges forward, poised to rip the camera from me. Without thinking my finger clicks the button repeatedly, the corners of her mouth turning up as she tries to keep her scowl straight. "**_I swear to God I'm going to shove that camera so far down your throat you'll be able to show people exactly what you ate for dinner last week._**_" _Her words are vicious, it was as if I was staring into the past, but her eyes are alive with passion. The adrenaline pulses in my system as alarms of danger ring in my ears. Her fingers slip over my weapon as she tumbles forward. I toss the camera to the side and wrap my arms around her before she falls off the bed.

_My heart is racing, his body engulfing mine in a fiery embrace. I look into his eyes, my anger dissipates as the emerald glow darkens, smoldering as we sift from the edge, arms pulling me tighter against him. I feel the hardness of his chest against the softness of my own, our hearts thumping to the same beat at a million miles per moment. His eyes hold mine like magnets as we move closer together in a gravitational pull. Butterflies in my stomach fly up my throat as my lips tingle, getting closer and closer to his. I ball my hands into fists against his chest as our eyes flutter shut, his arms now a vice grip around me. _

To call them fireworks would be a demeaning understatement. Fire courses through my body originating at every spot her body touched mine. Her lips are soft, smooth like the petals of a rose, her skin feels like silk against my chin. She bites my lower lip softly, a moan escapes my lips before I can stop it. I feel her smile against me, my tongue brushes along her lower lip causing her to be the one to loose her breath. Her lips part slightly, involuntarily, just wide enough for me to begin exploring her mouth. Her teeth drag softly against my tongue, shock evident in her fingers gripping my shirt, pulling me deeper into her.

_I feel like I'm drowning, my whole body burns and I can't get any air in. My mind flashes to a trip to the beach Olga and I took in California, I was attempting to surf and the waves over powered me and dragged me down. I feel that same powerlessness now with him holding me, except this time, I'm not sure I want it to end. His tongue explores my mouth, my body melting into his. I've kissed plenty of guys, I've never felt like this. His fingers unlock from each other and slide around my hips, pressing us bone to bone as we both groan. The lack of oxygen finally causes me to cave, I pull my lips away expecting him to stop as well, but he doesn't. His lips hungrily move from my mouth to my cheek, down my chin, down my neck, before stoping at my collar bone and assaulting the delicate skin there._

She tastes like coconut and vanilla, mixed with the most addictive drug that could ever be created. My teeth drag along her neck, her breathing hitches and she whines softly. I know we should stop, that she's too damaged to be taking down this path but I can't, I don't want to stop. Her hands release my shirt and lock into my hair, tugging my head off of her neck and replacing the bruised skin with her slightly puffy lips. She takes control of this, pushing her chest off of mine and locking my bottom lip between her teeth and pulling it as she sits up and pins me down. I'm dazed, I can feel the world spinning around me as her eyes drift open slowly, seductively, locking into mine as she leans over my face. Her chest just inches from my face, I barely restrain myself when she snaps up, smirk on her face, and evil gleaming in her eyes.

_His eyes widen like dinner plates, swinging from my hand is his precious little camera. I let him come just inches from taking it back when I snatch it back and turn the lens on him. I barely know what I'm doing as I push the button and set off the flash. His smile makes my heart race harder as he reaches for the camera, trying to stop my twitchy, inexperienced fingers from capturing his image. _

_ "_**_Payback's a bitch Arnoldo._**_" I cant help the bubbling laughter from coming out. His hair is golden, reflecting the light from above like amber itself. His emerald eyes barely visible through his squinting laughter. His arms wrap around me once again, I cant help but feel like this is where I've always belonged. _

Hey Guys! Talk about a hiatus….sorry about that. This chapter has been hard, so incredibly hard for me. I promise to update more often. Just know were not out of the woods yet, and happy endings come at a cost.


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